“So this is your last session. How do you feel?” Corine is sitting in her chair and very relaxed.
    “That it is. It’s weird honestly.” He rubs his hands along his thighs back and forth slowly. “I can’t believe the time is already complete. I am thankful.”
    Corine looks at the table, she’s a little bittersweet to see there time has ended. She even laid out fruit for him and coffee for them. This session needed to end of a good note for her. She has enjoyed seeing the change in Chase.

Chase is sitting at his desk listening to music. He is so focused on work that he hasn’t heard anything happening around his house. While taking a moment to stretch he sees his wife walk past his office. “Susan?”
She pokes her head in, he hair is clipped up, she has a laundry basket she’s balancing on her hip and runs her fingers through her hair. This reminds Chase of when he first realized that she was the one for her. They were helping out at this event together and she was talking to the people, picking up garbage and had a tray on her hip. She saw people not doing anything and just balanced it all on her hip, raised an eyebrow and asked them if they thought to do anything or if they thought there time was better spent elsewhere. 
He loved her sassy attitude and that she was so strong willed. He still sees that. “Yeah, what can I do ya for?” She seems exhausted and worn out. Whenever he comes back he is always confused about time, what has been going on the past few days, and the mood of the house. This time is no different. Susan is tired and doesn’t want to say anything to change Chase’s mood.
“I just wanted to talk to you.” Chase gives a smile.

“Chase do you have a religion, faith, practice or anything that you hold on to? Or even just something that you have with your morals or anything?” Corine looks innocently at Chase. She hoping that there is something that can give her an understanding to why he seems to want to bring understanding to this all that is more than a court order.

  Chase just stares at her and he gets annoyed that she never shows emotion. Yes, he can tell when she gets annoyed with him, hut all he can think about is how he’s told her awful things and she has never shown any sort of emotion. Not even the slightest bit of sadness or a look of disgust what do I have to do to get her to tear or laugh or say I am repulsive. 

 “Corine, I have told you some of the worst things and you never show an emotion, either you have thick skin or a God, now I am a Christian.”

“Well, doesn’t Christ say to forgive?” Corine leans back in her chair and watches the changes in Chase’s face. He squints his eyes at first then looks around the room. He goes for the snow globe on her table and picks it up. He’s focused on this but Corine lets the silence bring a peace to the room. She doesn’t want to change or push him. 

“Yes. He does but, he doesn’t say anything really towards those who actions can’t be explained does he?” Chase only watches the ball moving in the globe. Speaking softly and slowly.

“No I guess he doesn’t.”

“That, that is what I cannot understand or give action or reason to. I walk into my house and days will pass and I cannot think of things to say, or I feel like I am talking and not one is saying anything to me.” Chase puts the globe down and sits back. Then he moves forward puts is hands on his knees and looks up. “You know, this one time, I was fighting with my wife. If was before this situation. I couldn’t understand why she was acting the way that she was. She was going crazy and screaming, I was scared. I was honestly scared of why she was acting the way that she was. I even wrote about it and make precautions with my daughter as a safety measure. I gave her a bunch of cash with a letter to keep it safe incase anything happened to me.

I go back and I read these entries and that these actions happened, that’s not me. I shouldn’t be scared of my wife. She’s a foot smaller than me. I read these things and think, what was happening? My memories are all jumbled and I know that my thoughts are not exactly what is happening.” Chase has been holding his hands and just looking at his hands as spreads them out. moves them as he talks, and brings them back together. He continues to look at them, breathes in deeply then looks at Corine. “How can I ask God to explain these things to me? I can’t follow everything when I don’t know what I’m being asked to.”

“Then are you relying on your own power to make yourself better?” 

Chase goes back to looking at the coffee table then gets up and looks at the books on her self. He’s deep in thought, wondering why Corine is saying these things? The wall seems to be closing in around him. He runs his fingers along her shelf also as a distraction or something to settle him. Some of the books are old and worn. He lingers on one and it’s a book by C.S. Lewis. He has his books at him, he wife read them, he’s read them, and when his kids were young his wife would read the Chronicles of Narnia to his kids. He can’t help but think as to why this woman is helping him.

“How long have you been a psychologist?”

“Umm, probably since I was born, it was sort of just a natural instinct I guess.” Chase looks back to Corine. He nods and walks back towards the couch but simply stands in front of the couch.

Corine watches him and he seems to be having his own conversations. “Is everyone else the problem?”

“Yes.”

“What makes you say that?” Chase goes back towards the book shelf.

“I ask for help and support. Even understanding, but no. It’s simply too much for them.” Chase runs his fingers along the books again and this time he takes out the C.S. Lewis book. “Have you read this?”

Corine looks at the book and gives a small nod and smile. “Yes, it’s one of my favorites. When I started college my father gave it to me. It was his and he wanted me to have it.” Chase smoothes his hands over the cover, Mere Christianity, this was one of the first books he read when he became a Christian. He slides it back into the shelf and moves back to the couch.

Chase pulls up to his drive way and just sits in his car. He sees that both of his daughters cars are in the driveway. His sons is out in the road. All of them are in the house going about their lives. They all move about their day to day lives while he remains thing stranger or invader in their day. Patting down his jacket he hears the crinkle of the paper and takes it out of his pocket and puts it in the center conceal of his SUV. Sighing before leaving his car, he check his phones for recent emails then makes his way inside. The family dog barks but then sees its him and his tail goes between his legs, his head bows slightly and his goes into the laundry room where his bed is.

From the kitchen comes to smell of a freshly cooked meal. Laurie has music playing while she cooks. Christine is at the table doing her homework while Jackie is on the computer with head phones one. Both absorbed into their worlds. Down in the basement the older two are working, he saw the emails that his eldest had sent out while he was out, while his son had not.

“Hello family.” Chase says as he continues down the hallway past the kitchen, past Cassie and Jackie into their family room where he puts on the television. This is his routine and he always puts on the news, walks down to his office, gets his computer and then will sit there doing work and have the news play. He begins opening unopened emails while he wife enters and sites on the couch behind him, his daughter then comes to lay on the adman. They continue the conversation they were having in the kitchen. Chase’s face becomes contorted. There is too much noise from the people on the television, focusing on these email, and their nonsense chatter. Chase thinks he needs to stick it out because they came in here to be with him.

“Dad how did your day go?” Christine ask.

Chase turns to face her, gives a big closed lip smile, turns back to his computer, “Keeping at it girl.”

“That’s good. Bad traffic coming back?”

“Not bad. Ya know, I have these email to return so let me just focus on this. Would you guys mind going to the kitchen.” He gives a slight wave with his hand directing back to the kitchen. His wife and Christine does as he instructs and return to the kitchen. Chase keeps his focus on the computer.

When they’re out of ear shot they pick their conversation up again. “Mom, he looks better but I don’t know if he’ll get over Cassi calling the cops on him.”

She plays with the towel folding it in different ways to do something with her hands. “We didn’t have any other choice and she believe she was doing the right thing. What else were we suppose to do?”

“Mom, I’m not saying it wasn’t. We don’t have anymore money to spend on staying in a hotel room and we have left the house before and that doesn’t seem to help.” Christine gets up and walks over to the counter. The day they called the cops comes back to her. Her father had been in a bad episode for months and they were at their wits end. Thankfully this time he was only yelling but it always escalates quickly. In the past they let it play out and would step in when the tension began to great. This was just at the beginning of his episode but the previous one he wasn’t only physical with their mom. He crossed a line with holding onto or fighting off her two sisters.

Christine couldn’t let that happen again. However she’s the oldest. Should she have made the call rather than letting her youngest sister make it? Cassi gets the blame but it’s not all on her.

“All we can do is pray and not say anything to upset him.” He mother puts the towel down and takes the laundry to her room.

Christine gets out the tea and puts water on to boil and just looks around the kitchen. Each spot holds a memory of what happened over the past year. She wished they could all be happy memories but the past couple of months have taken that over. Her father yelling at the top of his lungs that it gives her chills and makes her ill, then seeing her mother crying and sisters just looking so confused. None of them knew what the right thing to do was, or did they just ignore it? The kettle whistles letting her know the waters ready. She pours the water and heads up to her room.

“Chase how about you sit in the chair and I get the couch.” Chase just entered her office and she’s walking around rearranging the magazines on her table.
“I get the chair? Does this mean I get your notebook and pen too?” His voice is on edge and his eyes have this darkness to them. He stands in doorway with a slight scowl and there is a darkness surrounding him.
“If you’d like.” She says still looking down at the table, she has yet to look up and notice how he’s standing or much of his tone being so focused in what she began before he entered.
Chase makes his way there and takes the notebook on her desk and a pen. He starts tapping the pen on the notebook, having his leg cross over his other as he moves the chair side to side waiting for her to play her role. “Well, Corine, are you going to sit?”
She stands straight up not realizing that he had actually taken her notebook and sat in her chair. “That chair suits you Chase.” Corine sits down and smoothes out her pencil shirt, crosses her legs, lays out on her couch and closes her eyes.
“Now, what’s your deal? Why aren’t you married?”
Corine eyes shoot open and she raises herself up. She tries to conceal her reaction to this question so Chase doesn’t know the full effect of his question on her. “Well, honestly.” She looks down at the rug, examine the corners of the rooms then brings her face back to look at Chase. There is no kindness to his eyes or expression. No matter what she says to him it could break her or it could set him off.
The silence in the room begins to get to Chase. He puts his feet on the floor and they can’t sit still. “No answer?” There is only judgement to his words, he leans forward, puts his hand on his knees to help him stand. Walking to the book case she watches as his one leg seems to be kicking. He cannot be still. Chase turns back to her and looks her in the eye. He opens his mouth then catches himself. He continues to walk, first to the chair but he doesn’t sit, he keeps his back to Corine and looks out the window.
Corine knows to stay silent. He will think this out and say what is running through his mind. Pushing it will only work against him.
“My head was spinning out of control; I saw fear and anger in my children’s eyes as I smashed the car mirror. I could hear them yell. I know they’ll leave me” he shrugs “and they have no reason to stay, I cannot take this back. I wanted to kill someone.” His voice keeps his edge but there is something to it that sends chills up Corine’s spin and her heart breaks a little for him. “I never wanted to be like my father.” He pauses and puts his head down. “Be abusive. See terror, the terror that I saw in my children’s eyes because they’re afraid of me.” He begins scanning the room and settles his eyes on the snow globe with the golf ball in it. It’s now been moved to the book shelf. Standing there he just hold it, he doesn’t try to put the ball on the tree but he just watches the ball move in the water from it being picked up. When it finally settled down he began again, “I went to get comfort from a drink, cold and crisp; it slide down my throat so nicely. A drink like a good scotch, always makes me calm and makes the hatred I feel for myself go away. It allows me to relax for a second, then the other me takes over.” He put the snow globe back on the shelf. “It’s like I’m having an outer body experience, I watch myself throw anything in sight and yell things I don’t mean, things I don’t even understand. My children turn their backs to me; I know they hate, they hate who I’ve become. I want to stop myself. Try to make it all stop. The yelling and throwing I just want to calm down but nothing seems to work. Doc, tell me.” His face is filled with shame, but he hides this from Corine.
The rest of the session Chase just continued to pace while Corine would ask him questions. His answers were short or didn’t match what she asked. Before leaving he asked her if she would sign his paper. Corine did as she always did, he quickly folded up and put in his inside pocket of his jacket.
“Well, thank you.” He looks her in the eyes as he always does when saying thank you, he walks out of her office, get into his car and sits fir a little while. Sitting there he just stares at his steering wheel. He pulls out the paper she signed, he counts them and there are twelve signatures. He signs. Shakes his head slightly, then folds it back up and puts it in his pocket. Turning the key in his ignition he then puts it in drive and heads down the road.