Chase pulls up to his drive way and just sits in his car. He sees that both of his daughters cars are in the driveway. His sons is out in the road. All of them are in the house going about their lives. They all move about their day to day lives while he remains thing stranger or invader in their day. Patting down his jacket he hears the crinkle of the paper and takes it out of his pocket and puts it in the center conceal of his SUV. Sighing before leaving his car, he check his phones for recent emails then makes his way inside. The family dog barks but then sees its him and his tail goes between his legs, his head bows slightly and his goes into the laundry room where his bed is.

From the kitchen comes to smell of a freshly cooked meal. Laurie has music playing while she cooks. Christine is at the table doing her homework while Jackie is on the computer with head phones one. Both absorbed into their worlds. Down in the basement the older two are working, he saw the emails that his eldest had sent out while he was out, while his son had not.

“Hello family.” Chase says as he continues down the hallway past the kitchen, past Cassie and Jackie into their family room where he puts on the television. This is his routine and he always puts on the news, walks down to his office, gets his computer and then will sit there doing work and have the news play. He begins opening unopened emails while he wife enters and sites on the couch behind him, his daughter then comes to lay on the adman. They continue the conversation they were having in the kitchen. Chase’s face becomes contorted. There is too much noise from the people on the television, focusing on these email, and their nonsense chatter. Chase thinks he needs to stick it out because they came in here to be with him.

“Dad how did your day go?” Christine ask.

Chase turns to face her, gives a big closed lip smile, turns back to his computer, “Keeping at it girl.”

“That’s good. Bad traffic coming back?”

“Not bad. Ya know, I have these email to return so let me just focus on this. Would you guys mind going to the kitchen.” He gives a slight wave with his hand directing back to the kitchen. His wife and Christine does as he instructs and return to the kitchen. Chase keeps his focus on the computer.

When they’re out of ear shot they pick their conversation up again. “Mom, he looks better but I don’t know if he’ll get over Cassi calling the cops on him.”

She plays with the towel folding it in different ways to do something with her hands. “We didn’t have any other choice and she believe she was doing the right thing. What else were we suppose to do?”

“Mom, I’m not saying it wasn’t. We don’t have anymore money to spend on staying in a hotel room and we have left the house before and that doesn’t seem to help.” Christine gets up and walks over to the counter. The day they called the cops comes back to her. Her father had been in a bad episode for months and they were at their wits end. Thankfully this time he was only yelling but it always escalates quickly. In the past they let it play out and would step in when the tension began to great. This was just at the beginning of his episode but the previous one he wasn’t only physical with their mom. He crossed a line with holding onto or fighting off her two sisters.

Christine couldn’t let that happen again. However she’s the oldest. Should she have made the call rather than letting her youngest sister make it? Cassi gets the blame but it’s not all on her.

“All we can do is pray and not say anything to upset him.” He mother puts the towel down and takes the laundry to her room.

Christine gets out the tea and puts water on to boil and just looks around the kitchen. Each spot holds a memory of what happened over the past year. She wished they could all be happy memories but the past couple of months have taken that over. Her father yelling at the top of his lungs that it gives her chills and makes her ill, then seeing her mother crying and sisters just looking so confused. None of them knew what the right thing to do was, or did they just ignore it? The kettle whistles letting her know the waters ready. She pours the water and heads up to her room.

It all starts in to local coffee shop. Many people use coffee shops to get to know a person and see if there is a chance for a relationship. That is the traditional way to look at things. Well, this was a first time grabbing coffee to share how a relationship was not going to happen.

“I just asked you to go there because I thought you would enjoy it. There was not alternative motive.”

“The way you were talking about it and plans made it come off that you were planning it for just us and had planned for it to mean more.”

“Yeah I thought it would be something that we could do, but I was the one asking.”

“Yeah I know you asked.”

“Right. I am the girl. Me asking, not you. If you had asked it would have been different. There would have been a thought process of maybe this is more than just friends, but it was me.”

“I know, but you made it sound like you wanted more to come out of it.”

“How?” I shift in my car in a slight confusion trying to remember the conversation we had of me asking him to go. I talked it up in excitement because I have good memories of the place and honestly thought he would have really enjoyed going to it.

“You just kept saying how I would enjoy it and didn’t seem like you wanted anyone else to go.” He just sits there seeming so uncomfortable and awkward.

“Honestly that is just how I am. I like getting to know people and building relationships with them so I spend time one on one time with them. In a group you can’t do that. There are just others and distractions, it just makes it hard. I don’t really know what you want me to say. You don’t really know who I am or much about me so you just assumed these were my attentions.”

“Well . . . you would joke about us dating.”

“I also told you it would never work out for us to date.”

“I know.”

“So apparently me thinking we would never date and telling you it wouldn’t work out clearly means that I want to date you.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“I am just trying to understand.” I am trying to hold back my defensive tone but he isn’t being rational. His responses are coming off so quiet and as though he is uncomfortable and doesn’t believe what he says. “If you are making accusations about me liking you and wanting more you should be able to back up your thinking.”

“I just . . . I got, I just got this feeling so I stopped it before it went further.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah so anyway how’s your coffee?” Seriously? This guy really has no back bone.

“It’s good. Listen I am getting kind of tired and I cam here to talk to settle things but you don’t seem interested in doing that.” I begin to move off the seat and he still is just staring at me. Is he really this dumb?

“I thought we did.”

“Do you not talk things out to make them better?”

“I never have before no.”

“Seriously?”

“No. I haven’t.” He just stares and me and shrugs his soldiers like I’m the crazy one/”

“Wow. That is ridiculous. Have you not had a friend you’ve wanted to talk things out with, or even a girl you liked or liked you?”

“I don’t. I just don’t talk about it or to them really and then we just start talking again.”

“Wow that’s really immature. Sorry but it’s true.”

“Thanks.”

“Well, umm, when you want to talk, then reach out, but for now I am not going to waste my time just pushing something under the rug that you brought up. It may seem like I am making a big deal about this, but I can’t believe you brought this up and didn’t expect to talk about it.”

“I just don’t.”

“Just don’t what?”

“Talk about things. I get over it and that’s it.”

“Yeah, well when you have an issue with a person you need to say something to them.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” I have no idea what to say or think in this situation. Am I being defensive or a typical girl and over thinking things? He’s making me feel like the crazy one. I break my muffin in half contemplating this. He sits there tapping on his drink with his fingers. Just tapping, making no noise but just a distraction in the silence of awkward that has just transpired. 

I shift to cross my legs the opposite way leaning back to pull the wrapper off the bottom half of my muffin. Chocolate chip muffins from dunking are always softer than a bakery or bagel shop makes them. It is harder to break and harder to eat. Why did I even get a muffin? The donuts are good enough and I wouldn’t mind having a Boston creme. Ahh my thoughts are all over the place.

Rachel get your head straight. “So how’s that muffin working out?”

“It’s working. I don’t know about the good or bad. Kinda making me think why I didn’t just get a donut.”

“You can still get one.”

“I’m good.”

“Okay, well if your not happy with something you can change it.” Oh the irony.

Douche! That is the main thing going through my mind when I pull into my garage. You know happy thoughts of course. I was so happy having a lovely day, well okay maybe wasn’t the best because I have been super moody but I was on the upswing to be happy and things looking up for a brighter night that I was even considering going out tonight. Not a big thing but I was out of my funk. So I tell him that I am thinking that I’ll end up going over. He says this other girl is coming whose ‘just a friend’ so it’d be better if I don’t. Come again? Was I know the girl you were making out with the other night? Obviously I should be the one told to not come over.

Douche! I am just staring at my steering wheel, I somehow had the thought process to turn off my car and take my keys out. Stomping up the steps from my garage into my house I move past the people, it is as if they are figures and I do not know how we got to where we are now. One minute things are great! Okay let’s be real maybe it wasn’t great, or good for that matter. Maybe it just was. But just was, was better than what it is now. When I look at him I feel disgust. No, I don’t even look at him or think of him. Well, I do think of him that is a lie because he is what’s fueling this intense productively.

A guy. A silly boy is what is fueling this crazed let’s get work done and over drive mentality. He is only a boy because he is not a man so a boy is fitting. You can be the age of a man but not act or have the attitude of one. That is besides the point. One of the biggest tensions between a guy and a girl is whether they like one another or not. The closer they get, the more confused they get. There are connections that are made, an unspeakable bond you could say. Knowing how the other thinks, their past, and them talking about your future. The future makes it come off as though they will be in each others futures in a different way.There is something special and different about this one. They say guys and girls cannot be just friends. We should have listened. Getting to this level of being so close that it almost seemed inevitable. 

No. I was a strong woman. I knew where my head was at. I was focused. We said just friends. There were to be no feelings or any sort of connection. That is what we agreed on didn’t we? Then how did I let this happen? I gave in, I gave in, I gave, I have feelings for you. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You know too much about me, I know so much about you. I can’t like you. I choose not to like you. It’s so hard when you smile at me the way you do. I told you it was distraction and now I feel like a smile never leaves your face. These little distractions. All sweet and innocent.

Where is that silly notebook. I need to get all this out of my head. It is all trapped in here. It is making me go mad! I need it out. A release of pen to paper is like a drug. A crazy, mad unspeakable drug. Where the, oh of course next to my bed. Why would I be rummaging through these draws to my desk that just end up with things thrown in them? I have no idea. I just think I just needed to slam things.

“Hey, umm is everything okay?”

“Whose that?”

“Well Rach is you turn around or would recognize your roommate of the last twenty years you’d know it’s your sister. What’s wrong.”

“Sorry Gen. I just have had a horrible day and need to write it out. So unless you want me to project it on you let me get it out on paper, burn it and be done with it then we can talk.”

“I think before talking we’ll need some wine.”

“That too. And chocolate.”

“Yes.”

“No screw that this silly thing is not getting me down. I am going for a freaking long ass run. A run to trump all runs. I am not going to do the stereotypical girl thing of curling up in a depressed ball and giving into my feelings. Screw that!”

“Okay.”

“Now get out let me right and then run.”

“Good luck with that.”

Gen slowly closes the door behind her leaving me to my thoughts. Thank God! I love my sister but she will simply complain if I at all complain to her because she has told me from the beginning I am being stupid with this guy and she just doesn’t like him. Maybe she’s right. No, she was right. I don’t know why I’ve been waiting around and for him this long. What’s so great about him anyway? Umm, yeah I’m going to need time to answer that one.

Where was I? Oh right DOUCHE! DOUCHE! DOUCHE! Ehh where to even freaking begin? Umm yeah it’s great you made your big move, congrat - u -freaking - lations! You can make out with a girl but you can’t do the follow through. Honestly guys think they can do anything they so please with anyone and that in the end it was the girl thinking to much about it all. But come freaking on! If there was never a conversation about dating, something happens, and then you talk okay yeah understandable. There was conversations. Yes, plural. Many. More than one. So seriously what were you thinking?!

Obviously there is a back story to all of this. I will not go back to the very beginning, that is simply too much of a backstory to this whole melodrama stupidity. Let’s set a scene for the beginning of the summer. Everyone like the summer, it’s fun easy and relaxed right? Well, this summer seemed to start off at just a little preview for how this relationship was going to play out and just grow into greater confusion.

After what seemed like hours of driving I am brought into this garage which frankly looks like a place you bring a witness to, simply to kill them. That would be icing on the cake. They kill the wrong dude so have to cover it up with killing the right dude. Guess I don’t need to call my mother. “So guys I know I was suppose to die in my office and that would have been pretty epic, but changing it to a parking garage? Come on I know you can do better than that!” The Lieutenant guides me to this elevator he need to scan to enter. Not going to lie it was pretty sweet. He doesn’t say a word so I am assuming no one appreciates my comment. Still we shoot up seven flights of stairs and get to this floor where people seemed all hopped on coffee and adrenaline. “Now this is where I should have been working. You hiring.”

“Daniel take Mr. Brooks to the holding room. Let him use the phone to call whoever he needs. I am sure he must be hungry or thirsty so bring him that as well.”

“Yes sir. This way Mr. Brooks.”

Charlie is still awestruck by the office, and being offered complementary thinks. What kind of place could this be. “Got it. See ya Lieutenant.”

“Mr. Brooks do you need anything else Daniel will be happy to get it.” The Lieutenant leave them and walk up to his office which is at the top all glass so he can over see all that is happening in the office.

“Damn this place is like 24. Does Jack Bauer work here? Or Jason Bourne? Come on that would be awesome.”

“Follow me Mr. Brooks.”

“Damn no one has a sense of humor around here.”

Daniel stop turns and looks me right in the eye. “I understand your in shock or whatever this is your going through, but a man is dead. He was suppose to be you dead. Sure you feel like your given a second chance but show some respect and stop talking and joking like a prick.”

“Listen I know I say random things but I can’t help it. Filter has been shut down from dead dude, to car ride, coming to this secret place, people all crazy around me, so year I am doing to say some ridiculous things. Deal. I am not a terrorist or anything. Just a guy from Jersey living a life I was told I was. So embrace or just give me some food and a red bull.”

Daniel turns and bring me to this office with bagel, muffins, donuts and coffee. I have to wait on the red bull but hey this lay out is sweet. Daniel then brings in a phone as well. “You may want to tell people your not really dead. We will take care of the news.”

“I was on the news!”

“Mr. Brooks, a shooting happens in New York City inside of an office building where most the employees are white and many people shot, it’s going to make the news. This is the 21st century.”

“Right.” I grab the phone wondering if I am going to be left a long but does not see likely. I start dialing my parents. My mother is probably going to be hysterical.

“Hello.”

“Ma’ it’s Charlie.”

“Who?”

“Charlie, your son.”

“Oh hi. Aren’t you suppose to be at work?”

“Yeah listen mom has anyone called you today?”

“Yeah why?”

“Did they call about me?”

“Yeah they said you were dead. But on the phone with you so they are clearly wrong.” Typically mother response.

“Alright ma’ I’ll get back to work.”

“Okay, that’s why you called?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, don’t slack at work that wont pay off your bills.”

“Got it ma’ bye.” I hang up shock that my mother didn’t care I was dead. Who was that I was just talking to?