“Chase do you have a religion, faith, practice or anything that you hold on to? Or even just something that you have with your morals or anything?” Corine looks innocently at Chase. She hoping that there is something that can give her an understanding to why he seems to want to bring understanding to this all that is more than a court order.

  Chase just stares at her and he gets annoyed that she never shows emotion. Yes, he can tell when she gets annoyed with him, hut all he can think about is how he’s told her awful things and she has never shown any sort of emotion. Not even the slightest bit of sadness or a look of disgust what do I have to do to get her to tear or laugh or say I am repulsive. 

 “Corine, I have told you some of the worst things and you never show an emotion, either you have thick skin or a God, now I am a Christian.”

“Well, doesn’t Christ say to forgive?” Corine leans back in her chair and watches the changes in Chase’s face. He squints his eyes at first then looks around the room. He goes for the snow globe on her table and picks it up. He’s focused on this but Corine lets the silence bring a peace to the room. She doesn’t want to change or push him. 

“Yes. He does but, he doesn’t say anything really towards those who actions can’t be explained does he?” Chase only watches the ball moving in the globe. Speaking softly and slowly.

“No I guess he doesn’t.”

“That, that is what I cannot understand or give action or reason to. I walk into my house and days will pass and I cannot think of things to say, or I feel like I am talking and not one is saying anything to me.” Chase puts the globe down and sits back. Then he moves forward puts is hands on his knees and looks up. “You know, this one time, I was fighting with my wife. If was before this situation. I couldn’t understand why she was acting the way that she was. She was going crazy and screaming, I was scared. I was honestly scared of why she was acting the way that she was. I even wrote about it and make precautions with my daughter as a safety measure. I gave her a bunch of cash with a letter to keep it safe incase anything happened to me.

I go back and I read these entries and that these actions happened, that’s not me. I shouldn’t be scared of my wife. She’s a foot smaller than me. I read these things and think, what was happening? My memories are all jumbled and I know that my thoughts are not exactly what is happening.” Chase has been holding his hands and just looking at his hands as spreads them out. moves them as he talks, and brings them back together. He continues to look at them, breathes in deeply then looks at Corine. “How can I ask God to explain these things to me? I can’t follow everything when I don’t know what I’m being asked to.”

“Then are you relying on your own power to make yourself better?” 

Chase goes back to looking at the coffee table then gets up and looks at the books on her self. He’s deep in thought, wondering why Corine is saying these things? The wall seems to be closing in around him. He runs his fingers along her shelf also as a distraction or something to settle him. Some of the books are old and worn. He lingers on one and it’s a book by C.S. Lewis. He has his books at him, he wife read them, he’s read them, and when his kids were young his wife would read the Chronicles of Narnia to his kids. He can’t help but think as to why this woman is helping him.

“How long have you been a psychologist?”

“Umm, probably since I was born, it was sort of just a natural instinct I guess.” Chase looks back to Corine. He nods and walks back towards the couch but simply stands in front of the couch.

Corine watches him and he seems to be having his own conversations. “Is everyone else the problem?”

“Yes.”

“What makes you say that?” Chase goes back towards the book shelf.

“I ask for help and support. Even understanding, but no. It’s simply too much for them.” Chase runs his fingers along the books again and this time he takes out the C.S. Lewis book. “Have you read this?”

Corine looks at the book and gives a small nod and smile. “Yes, it’s one of my favorites. When I started college my father gave it to me. It was his and he wanted me to have it.” Chase smoothes his hands over the cover, Mere Christianity, this was one of the first books he read when he became a Christian. He slides it back into the shelf and moves back to the couch.

    The garage door opens and tension suddenly builds throughout the home. Chase gets to return home after his ten days removal from the home. Only his wife is home. Chase enters the home, makes his way to the bedroom. He puts down his belongs on his bed and looks around the room. “There is an unwelcomeness here.” Chase opens up his bag and begins to unpack the contents of it. There are some hotels soaps, his clothes he packed, and the bit of work he thought to take with him. He picks up the soap and think how he, would not have these if he wasn’t forced to be removed from his house. He clenches the soups in his hands that the bar begins to crack a little.
    “I can’t stay here. It’s not safe.” He whispers to himself putting the contents back in his bag. A door is shut downstairs and this makes Chase stop. He puts his bag down and begins to tip toe to his door. He doesn’t hear any voices but he does hear footsteps. He makes his way down to the kitchen and there is his wife. She looks worn out and tired. Chase cannot handle seeing her and begins to back away. He heads back up to his room, he goes into his closet looking for clothes to pack.
    “I saw the car out front. I guess dad’s back.”
    “Yes, I believe he is, I haven’t seen him yet, have you?”
    “Nope.” Chase over hears his daughter speaking to his wife in the kitchen. The house is so open that voices easily travel throughout it. Returning back to his bag to finish packing Chase leaves his closet and goes into the hallway, looks down the staircase and waits to see if he can hear any voices or movement. There is only silence so he returns to his mission of leaving. When he reaches the bottom of the steps he sees his wife and daughter sitting in the living room.
    Chase stops and looks at them, he just sees complete sadness in their gaze. Christine has stopped eating and his wife just freezes.
    “Hey dad.” Christine manages to get out.
    “I’m going to stay in a hotel. It’s not safe for me to be here.” Chase then turns and leaves.

    “Skipping all the small talk and psyche break down, this is what I know about this girl. First, she’s crazy! Crazy like I thought I was about to die every second I was with her. Somehow I can’t imagine my life without her. Second, she has very little regard for others. When we came to an intersection, we had a red light and Rachel didn’t feel like stopping. So she just went through it! She caused an accident. Not with us thank God, but a car slammed on its’ brakes and the car behind it smashed into it. You want to know what she says?” Matt is so inthralled in his story he doesn’t care what the response is. ‘A guy I once knew had that car. I’m sure he deserved it.’” So dismayed by what he’s sharing Matt throws his head in the air in amazement.
    “Matt this girl seems like a head case.” His friend sounds concerned and confused.
    “Yeah, but she has a caring heart. Rachel saw a homeless man and went up to him and gave him the food we had in the carriage.” Matt’s sitting up and seems just in awe of Rachel.
    “Alright, well that seems good. So did you make it home or are you at her place?” Is friends voice seems awake now and shows interest in what Matt’s ending to the night was.
    “Well, umm, that’s why I called you.” Matt begins to look around unsure of how to say this to his friend. “ I don’t know if this makes me totally insane or not, but I am in the middle of Central Park in my tux and I have no idea how I got here.”
    “What?!” His friends exclamation makes Matt push the phone from his ear and wince.
    “Man speak softer, can you just get me?”Matt’s rubbing his head from a mix of a hangover and embarrassment.
    “Dude we live in the city, your in central park, just walk.”
    “Well that’s the thing.” Matt looks around more analyzing his setting.
    “What do you mean?” His friends confused and has a bit of judgement in his tone.
    Matt looks over himself again and delays responding to his friend.
    “You just said you’re in your tux in Central Park.” His friends voice does not seem amused by Matt’s story anymore.
    “Yeah about that. I have my tux jack and bow tie on. I have on briefs. I’m not going to be allowed in a cab or subway.”
    His friend explodes in laughter. “This had to be some girl.”
    “Oh she was. Also, I think I am going to see her soon.” Matt sounds excited again.
    “What makes you think that?” His friend is still laughing at him.
    “Well, unless a stranger wrote on my chest to meet them for coffee at 3 with an address, I think I’m seeing her.” Matt just keep smiling.
    “Way to be man. Do you realize what time it is?”
    “No idea. You’re calling me. Woke me up.” Matt now is curious about what time it could be and why he did not think of this earlier.
    “It’s about 2, so how far is the meeting place from you.”
    Matt looks down trying to read it. “Well, it says where I left you. So I believe this is the place.”
    “Nice. Hopefully she brings your clothes.” His friends laughs at himself.
    “Man I don’t even care.” Matt throws his arms up to show just how little he cares.
    His friend keeps laughing. “Alright man. See you later.”
    “Sounds good.” Matt hangs up and lays back in the grass letting the hangover take over. He can’t help but smile.

Musical Connection

    Matt’s most bizarre night of his life began in a ballroom. Yes, high ceilings beautifully painted like the sixteen chapel, high glass windows, chandeliers, the works. A girl would feel like a princess. However this is Matt’s story. He felt like James Bond. He wore a tux, ordered a martini, and would occasionally look at his watch, it was the nicest one he owned.
    People were dancing. They had rhythm and moved across the dance floor gracefully. Matt gazed at them for a while, his mind seemed to be figuring out how they moved with such ease. The only dancing he knew was grinding. If you could call it that. The music that was playing was not classical or slow moving. It wasn’t club or electronic. It was a medium that he had not experienced. There was an orchestra with violins, flutes, guitars, drums, he had not heard any of them be played that way before. The sound echoed off the ceiling and danced around the room. He knew that standing in the right spot it all came together one note at a time.
    Matt went to school to be an architect so he moved around the room to find that spot. He became lost in the search. Without realizing, he was standing in the middle of the walkway with his eyes closed.
    “So, do just close your eyes in the middle of a room normally?”
    “Umm what?” Matt opens his eyes to see this girl with dark hair, barely any make up, in a dress, staring at him. Her right eyebrow is raised, her left hand is on her hip and other is holding a glass of wine. Her lips proceeded to move, but Matt have no idea what she was saying. He was so focused on why this girl just came up to him and started talking. She doesn’t even know him. Her lips stopped moving and her head was slightly tilted to the right.
    “I’m so sorry. I’m just distracted. I’m Matt and you are?” He puts his hand out like a gentlemen. He waits for her to shake it and for them to be properly introduced.
    “Rachel.” Her hand goes for his and she lightly shakes it but quickly lets go crossing her arms and tilting a little away from Matt. “Did you honestly just stare dumb founded at me that whole time?”
    “I wouldn’t say dump founded.” Matt’s tone is a little put off. “More I was doing something and still focused on that.” There is no confidence in his voice which just makes Rachel smile at his innocence.
    “Doing something?” She lets out a small giggle. “You were standing here in the middle of the room with your eyes closed.” Rachel gives a sarcastic attitude at his ridiculous response.
    “I’m sure that’s just what it looked like but come closer.” He extends his arm, as if he wants to pull her closer towards him.
    Rachel begins to take a step back and move her hand from hip to make a stop sign. “Whoa buddy. I was just seeing what you were doing, not hitting on you.” Rachel begins to turn to walk away.
    “Way to jump to assumptions.” Rachel turns back around. Matt gives a slight judgmental face and body gets defensive as does his voice, “I was going to have you stand where I am.” Matt begins to slowly move for Rachel to take his place.
    “Alright, if that’s how you get your kicks.” Rachel stands in his place and just stares at Matt. “Okay, now what?” Clearly not amused.
    “Don’t you hear the music clearer?” Matt just looks at her waiting for some sort of response or reaction.
    Rachel stands up straight, shuts her eyes and a smile begins to move across her face. She begins to hide it hoping Matt doesn’t catch it.
    “See I told you.” Matt smiles giving himself approval.
    “That’s pretty beautiful.” All Rachel was willing to give was a small smirk as she slightly turns from Matt to look out to the crowd.
    “Yeah the way the buildings arches, it allows sound to funnel down through the room which creates this effect.” Matt is pointing to the points that he’s talking about as if it was some sort of lesson or lecture he would be giving to students.
    “Oh, so you build things or just some sound engineer?” Rachel turns to face Matt.
    Matt gives a slight chuckle. “You might say that.”
    “I just did. But you didn’t choose either.” Rachel slightly shifts her hips to add attitude to what she just said.
    “Well there you go. I build things, well I went to school for that. What brings you here Rachel?”
    “Meet a guy with his eyes clothes, take him on an adventure and abandon him.” Rachel takes a sip of her wine and begins to scan out the room.
    “Well happy hunting.” Matt goes to move down the walkway but before he can plant his foot Rachel is pulling him out to the dance floor.
    “Do you know this dance?” Rachel is leading and seemed to be one who likes control.
    “I don’t.” Matt is looking at the other guys on the dance floor to follow so he sees what he should be doing.
    “Good.” Rachel begins leading Matt across the dance floor and then out of the ballroom. “Those things can get so stuffy. I was bored before I even arrived.”
    “Oh really?” Matt comes back in an unbelieving but flirty tone.
    “Yeah. Like honestly who can care about some guy getting an award for giving money to the needy and creating a space for them to get jobs. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is truly great what he’s doing, but so many people do that, and they aren’t wealthy. It’s just that this guy has money and a well known name that they’re doing this.” Rachel is gesturing with her hands in big arches to emphasis the whole ridiculousness of this event.
    “Oh. Yeah what a guy. I’m sure he even demanded that he get an award and that’s the only reason why he did it.” Matt finds humor in what she’s saying and decides it’s better to play along with her while she rambles on.
    “Yeah! Exactly you get it. Like he knows what an honest day of hard work is.”
    “Yeah, you tell him.” Matt does a little job like he’s an excited member in a crowd at a rally all for Rachel.
    Rachel laugh then stops and seems to realize something. “Wait.” She gives him a once over, “why do I recognize you?”
    “I’m the guy whose never worked a hard day in his life.” Matt begins to walk ahead of Rachel down the front steps.
    “Damn, I know how to pick them don’t I?” Matt just smiles as she stands in place still shocked she said all that to him. “I’m sorry.”
    “Hey it’s your honest opinion. Now what was this adventure you wanted to do?” He stops and turns to look up the steps waiting for her.
    “Well, Matt follow me. I guess you don’t need that award.” Rachel begins to strut down the steps.
    “Nope. Besides I have so many servants there that one could just bring it home for me anyway.” Matt tosses his head back and puts an arm bent behind his back as if walking like royalty.
    “You’re just so funny!” Rachel claps her hands together and pulls them into her face to come off as an admirer.
    “Is yours?” Matt pauses and is a little confused.
    “Yes. You coming?” Rachel jumps up into a carriage and looks back waiting for Matt to join.
    “I guess so.” He shrugs and begins to step up.
    “You guess?” Rachel stands at the door way of the carriage to block Matt from entering. “Now Matt, life is about taking chances and seeing what will happen. If you guess then I might as well leave you on this curb while I get in this carriage and see where the night takes me.”
    “Okay.” Matt clears his throat. “Where we headed?”
    “Getting a little better Matt. Now lighten up. I am about to change your life so hope in.” Rachel plops down on the seat and pats the seat next to her to show Matt where he’s to sit.

Last piece

    “Oh my goodness!” Kristina is laughing on the couch next to Johnny. “This has got to be the most ridiculous experience we have ever had in our life! I cannot believe this is seriously what’s happened. Like crazy sauce! Honestly. Like oh man.”
    Johnny just holds Kristina and laughs. “That crazy encounter just reminded me how much I love you.” He pulls her to her lap and just looks into her eyes. “You’re never getting ride of me.” He pulls her in close and carries her back upstairs.
    “We could stay here.” Kristina says mid kiss while he pulls her up.
    “Umm creepiers. That just happened. I want guarded, just you and me. No on lookers or joiners.” They both just smile and kiss while Johnny kicks the door shut.

Clothes dispersed all around the room with a freezing room is what Johnny and Kristina face in the morning. Both cuddle together to get heat from one another but neither want to move to turn on the heat or put on clothes. Kristina has made a few hints but anytime Johnny goes to move she pulls him in closer. Now after going back and forth for the last two hours the cold is beginning to get to Kristina.

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t feel anything.” Kristina wraps the blanket around her and heads for the thermostat.

“I’m that good. What can I say.” Johnny puts is hands behind his head to give his comment full effect.

“Yeah hun, it’s all you. Could you please start a fire?” Kristina is now shivering so much it’s hard to get the words out.

“Of course! I didn’t realize you were that cold.” Johnny is jumping up to get some clothes on before heading to get wood for the fire.

“Well, you were helping but I cannot for the life of me feel my fingers or toes.” She’s rubbing them together while putting some of her clothes on.

“Let me start that fire. Meet me downstairs and I can be your heat source when I finish.”

“Oh will you now? I like it.” Kristina smirks and just moves to kiss him.

“Now starting that won’t get you a fire.” Johnny moves his arms around her waist as she slightly backs away.

“Okay, okay. Go give me warmth good sir.” Kristina waves him off and he heads out of the room. Still shivering she gets down to look more for her clothes to get her big sweater to put on so she has something before making the trek down to the fire where Johnny left their bags.

“We’re here.” Johnny puts the car in park and begins to hurry out to Kristina’s side opening it up. “Come on.” He picks her up and begins carrying her to the house.

“Whoa! Wait!” Kristina is fidgeting for him to let go.

“What?” Johnny is confused and doesn’t understand what he did wrong.

“If we don’t get the bags now then we wont till the morning and out stuff will be freezing! I don’t know about you but I am not coming out here naked for clothes.”

“Well naked no. But I’m enjoying the image.” Johnny smirks as he starts back for the car.

“Ha. Ha.” Kristina crosses her arm to show how unamused she is.

“Head inside. I will mean you upstairs.”

“Oh will you now.” Her flirty tone from earlier returns.

“Yes.” Johnny begins pulling out their bags while Kristina heads in the house. She makes her way upstairs debating if she should keep her clothes on or leave that for Johnny. It’s one of the things he enjoys doing but this could be away to mix things up. Besides she did tease him on their way up. Before she could decided Johnny runs into the room grabbing her and already making the way to do as he pleases with her and what he knows she likes.

Douche! That is the main thing going through my mind when I pull into my garage. You know happy thoughts of course. I was so happy having a lovely day, well okay maybe wasn’t the best because I have been super moody but I was on the upswing to be happy and things looking up for a brighter night that I was even considering going out tonight. Not a big thing but I was out of my funk. So I tell him that I am thinking that I’ll end up going over. He says this other girl is coming whose ‘just a friend’ so it’d be better if I don’t. Come again? Was I know the girl you were making out with the other night? Obviously I should be the one told to not come over.

Douche! I am just staring at my steering wheel, I somehow had the thought process to turn off my car and take my keys out. Stomping up the steps from my garage into my house I move past the people, it is as if they are figures and I do not know how we got to where we are now. One minute things are great! Okay let’s be real maybe it wasn’t great, or good for that matter. Maybe it just was. But just was, was better than what it is now. When I look at him I feel disgust. No, I don’t even look at him or think of him. Well, I do think of him that is a lie because he is what’s fueling this intense productively.

A guy. A silly boy is what is fueling this crazed let’s get work done and over drive mentality. He is only a boy because he is not a man so a boy is fitting. You can be the age of a man but not act or have the attitude of one. That is besides the point. One of the biggest tensions between a guy and a girl is whether they like one another or not. The closer they get, the more confused they get. There are connections that are made, an unspeakable bond you could say. Knowing how the other thinks, their past, and them talking about your future. The future makes it come off as though they will be in each others futures in a different way.There is something special and different about this one. They say guys and girls cannot be just friends. We should have listened. Getting to this level of being so close that it almost seemed inevitable. 

No. I was a strong woman. I knew where my head was at. I was focused. We said just friends. There were to be no feelings or any sort of connection. That is what we agreed on didn’t we? Then how did I let this happen? I gave in, I gave in, I gave, I have feelings for you. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You know too much about me, I know so much about you. I can’t like you. I choose not to like you. It’s so hard when you smile at me the way you do. I told you it was distraction and now I feel like a smile never leaves your face. These little distractions. All sweet and innocent.

Where is that silly notebook. I need to get all this out of my head. It is all trapped in here. It is making me go mad! I need it out. A release of pen to paper is like a drug. A crazy, mad unspeakable drug. Where the, oh of course next to my bed. Why would I be rummaging through these draws to my desk that just end up with things thrown in them? I have no idea. I just think I just needed to slam things.

“Hey, umm is everything okay?”

“Whose that?”

“Well Rach is you turn around or would recognize your roommate of the last twenty years you’d know it’s your sister. What’s wrong.”

“Sorry Gen. I just have had a horrible day and need to write it out. So unless you want me to project it on you let me get it out on paper, burn it and be done with it then we can talk.”

“I think before talking we’ll need some wine.”

“That too. And chocolate.”

“Yes.”

“No screw that this silly thing is not getting me down. I am going for a freaking long ass run. A run to trump all runs. I am not going to do the stereotypical girl thing of curling up in a depressed ball and giving into my feelings. Screw that!”

“Okay.”

“Now get out let me right and then run.”

“Good luck with that.”

Gen slowly closes the door behind her leaving me to my thoughts. Thank God! I love my sister but she will simply complain if I at all complain to her because she has told me from the beginning I am being stupid with this guy and she just doesn’t like him. Maybe she’s right. No, she was right. I don’t know why I’ve been waiting around and for him this long. What’s so great about him anyway? Umm, yeah I’m going to need time to answer that one.

Where was I? Oh right DOUCHE! DOUCHE! DOUCHE! Ehh where to even freaking begin? Umm yeah it’s great you made your big move, congrat - u -freaking - lations! You can make out with a girl but you can’t do the follow through. Honestly guys think they can do anything they so please with anyone and that in the end it was the girl thinking to much about it all. But come freaking on! If there was never a conversation about dating, something happens, and then you talk okay yeah understandable. There was conversations. Yes, plural. Many. More than one. So seriously what were you thinking?!

Obviously there is a back story to all of this. I will not go back to the very beginning, that is simply too much of a backstory to this whole melodrama stupidity. Let’s set a scene for the beginning of the summer. Everyone like the summer, it’s fun easy and relaxed right? Well, this summer seemed to start off at just a little preview for how this relationship was going to play out and just grow into greater confusion.

Tossing and turning is a sure sign of this life being unreal. However instead of waking up and acknowledging it is a new day, I wake up wondering what on earth is happening. I yearn to hear from him and await the moment of his return. But why? Why is this one so special? A hug can cause all this confusion. Well forget that, I need to brush my teeth. But seriously. Why him?

Truly nothing that sticks out about him, he’s quirky, sarcastic and not direct. SO fickle and not direct. Clearly none of those are winners right? Am I just bored of being single? I have been doing fine as being a single person but is that the problem? I have become too good at becoming single?

Wow listen to me I’m sounding like such a women! I should just get dressed this is ridiculous. Thank God it’s sunny out! Sun dress it is. At least that is something easy and simple I can handle. No second guess. Just walk in grab a bright dress fitting my mood. It’s a good thing I don’t have to shave and can do a strapless bra. I should probably bring a change of clothes because God only knows what I will end up doing later, hike, swimming, or just anything. Summer is amazing for this.

“Olivia what are you doing?” I turn and see my roommate coming into my room looking like she’s still recovering from the night before.

“Getting dressed.”

“You have been talking out loud to yourself for the last hour about some guy, who is he?”

“I haven’t!”

“You have. It was entertaining me until you were talking about that other guy you’ve liked but he’s way to shy for anything to happen, but now you totally have a chance for him. Just sayin’ play the field and not just one.”

“Ha! Funny I’m just making friends not playing anything. Playing the field involves games and not being myself. No thank you. Plus I will only play one. Well not play, but just think of one guy. God didn’t put me here for many but one. Well hopefully-”

“Oh shut up. I get it God has a plan for you blah blah blah! But come one, God never said to not have fun! I’m going to have a shot then grab coffee you want to come?”

“I’m good, meeting up  with some people in a few.”

“Okay. see ya. Oh and say hello to the new boy.” Oh room mate how special is thee. I daily question my choice but then she always makes me lean on God more and not be so caught up in my world and reminds me there are people out there needing saving. Such a double edge sword.

Did she really hear me talking? I thought it was all in my head! Guess not, fail! Welp can’t say hi to the new guy because no way to communicate, and he never bothered to get my number. But the old guy she wasn’t wrong about, but I feel like now it wouldn’t be hard to date him, but is he really someone I want to be with?

Heart feels as though it is truly going to explode. Why is this happening? What is going on? It was such a simple good bye. Nothing different, maybe his arms were tighter around me, maybe the hug simply felt so right. But this feeling in my heart cannot explain this. I’m walking the path to my car seeing each foot go in front of the other, with chills running through me. My mind if going mad with questions of what could this mean. But my heart is yearning to go back.

There is nothing left for me to do. He’s leaving me here to the world full of unknown of the future. But my life has a way of working out in time. Time. Yes time should go by quickly. Time goes on like life. You can’t live in these moments of questioning what that could have been or where it could be. Could is the worst word in the english language. Could of, should of, all leaving girls to this insanity of questions going on in their mind of what they see. Rather then going through the facts of what is. I could have said how I felt and maybe this would have changed the out come. But he said nothing.

None of this explains this feeling in my heart. I stare at my steering wheel longing for an answer, not knowing how long I have sat here but I am still in front of his place so this is so not right. I put my car to look out on this road chosen to go. There is no questioning with this path. The path has been laid out for me. I take the first left to then make the second right and wrap around till main road and go home. That is know of how I should go. However I look in my review mirror of a blurring path that I want to go back to.

My heart is racing for an answer to these questions. All from a hug?

“Yes I know I was asking for a life changing thing to come a long but I could have never expected this.”

“It’s the cards you were dealt my dear.” This conversation sticks with me everyday. Why was this life given to me and what do I do with it. I could look at my surroundings seeing all these people suffering and starving, or I can do what I came here to do. I have been blessed with a home, clothing, settler, never gone hungry, and a family that loves me. They may not eat for days, shelter is tin roofs cramming fifteen people into it, clothes is a ragg they wear till they find the next rags, and they’re family needs them to work or sells them. Families love their children here but cannot suffer themselves or their children.

This is my journey to a world of a mission to help those here in India. Join me as I share the stories of others experiences and what I see to be a life for myself to come.

After what seemed like hours of driving I am brought into this garage which frankly looks like a place you bring a witness to, simply to kill them. That would be icing on the cake. They kill the wrong dude so have to cover it up with killing the right dude. Guess I don’t need to call my mother. “So guys I know I was suppose to die in my office and that would have been pretty epic, but changing it to a parking garage? Come on I know you can do better than that!” The Lieutenant guides me to this elevator he need to scan to enter. Not going to lie it was pretty sweet. He doesn’t say a word so I am assuming no one appreciates my comment. Still we shoot up seven flights of stairs and get to this floor where people seemed all hopped on coffee and adrenaline. “Now this is where I should have been working. You hiring.”

“Daniel take Mr. Brooks to the holding room. Let him use the phone to call whoever he needs. I am sure he must be hungry or thirsty so bring him that as well.”

“Yes sir. This way Mr. Brooks.”

Charlie is still awestruck by the office, and being offered complementary thinks. What kind of place could this be. “Got it. See ya Lieutenant.”

“Mr. Brooks do you need anything else Daniel will be happy to get it.” The Lieutenant leave them and walk up to his office which is at the top all glass so he can over see all that is happening in the office.

“Damn this place is like 24. Does Jack Bauer work here? Or Jason Bourne? Come on that would be awesome.”

“Follow me Mr. Brooks.”

“Damn no one has a sense of humor around here.”

Daniel stop turns and looks me right in the eye. “I understand your in shock or whatever this is your going through, but a man is dead. He was suppose to be you dead. Sure you feel like your given a second chance but show some respect and stop talking and joking like a prick.”

“Listen I know I say random things but I can’t help it. Filter has been shut down from dead dude, to car ride, coming to this secret place, people all crazy around me, so year I am doing to say some ridiculous things. Deal. I am not a terrorist or anything. Just a guy from Jersey living a life I was told I was. So embrace or just give me some food and a red bull.”

Daniel turns and bring me to this office with bagel, muffins, donuts and coffee. I have to wait on the red bull but hey this lay out is sweet. Daniel then brings in a phone as well. “You may want to tell people your not really dead. We will take care of the news.”

“I was on the news!”

“Mr. Brooks, a shooting happens in New York City inside of an office building where most the employees are white and many people shot, it’s going to make the news. This is the 21st century.”

“Right.” I grab the phone wondering if I am going to be left a long but does not see likely. I start dialing my parents. My mother is probably going to be hysterical.

“Hello.”

“Ma’ it’s Charlie.”

“Who?”

“Charlie, your son.”

“Oh hi. Aren’t you suppose to be at work?”

“Yeah listen mom has anyone called you today?”

“Yeah why?”

“Did they call about me?”

“Yeah they said you were dead. But on the phone with you so they are clearly wrong.” Typically mother response.

“Alright ma’ I’ll get back to work.”

“Okay, that’s why you called?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, don’t slack at work that wont pay off your bills.”

“Got it ma’ bye.” I hang up shock that my mother didn’t care I was dead. Who was that I was just talking to?

Monica went to work spoke to Tony as she entered. Shared with him what she had read and what chapters had changed her view. Still unsure of what all these things mean to her, Tony simple shares for her to not rush it and to continue reading. He is no expert so tell her to seek a place out that she feels called to. Monica agrees to this and heads to her office. Before looking for a place that calls to her, which she is unsure of what that could possible mean, she does the research she promised to do for Mike.

“What is with this thing?” Monica is clicking all over her computer for the website she uses for simpler researching of fundraisers and it does nothing.

“Bad time?” Monica turns to see Mike standing at her office door.

“Oh no, sorry just trying to actually look up the information I said I would do for you.”

“Ahh, well thank you so much. I did some of my own.”

“Awesome. I honestly meant to do this for you yesterday but life gave me a slap in the face so I had to put it off.”

“Alright. In a good way.”

“You know I think so.”

“Well that’s always good.” Mike unsure of what to continue on saying goes and hands the folder he’s brought with all the research he has done.

“Oh right, getting straight to business. Listen not sure what your expecting to do or anything-”

“I have everything laid out there with my ideas. Read it over and give me a call.” Mike just turns and head to the elevator. Monica is unsure how to think of this. Should she follow him or, she’s up and heading to him.

She catches him at the elevator, “that’s it?”

“Excuse me?”

“Your just going to walk all the way to my office, hand me this, and then be done?”

“Monica I know your business didn’t mean it in a rude way. Honestly.” Mike looks serious at Monica and questions lingering on his face of wondering why she’s so hurt by what just happened.

“I’m sorry. I guess I am just, I, there is just a lot of my mind. I will read this over and give it back to you.”

“Thanks.” The elevator opens and Mike steps on in. Gives an awkward wave and the door shuts.

“And that lady and gentlemen is how you make a complete and total ass of yourself.” Monica phone goes off with a text from Andrew, done for party tonight at Shay’s? Shay is friends with Mike, Monica just made an ass out of herself to him. Probably not. I’ll be there.

Sorry June I am failing with posting.

The next day Monica wakes up slowly. Taking her time just rolling over and looking around her room. She gradually gets up. Rolls out of bed a groggily goes to her bathroom to get ready for the day. She sees that she laid in bed for a half hour so she will barely make a work out. With the pace that she is going out she’s lucky if she makes it in time for work. After checking herself in the mirror she doesn’t look too bad but she wants to wash away the night of tossing and turning of thinking about Mike. It makes no sense to her how a guy could just walk into her apartment and she could easily talk to him for hours about anything.

The heat of the water starts filling up the room. Monica turns to make her way for the shower but freezes remembering that she has to do all the phone calls for fundraising so she will get to talk to Mike later. Suddenly feeling pleased with the situation Monica gets in the shower and uses her good body wash, showers her hair and begins to sing. Gets out the shoer dries of and then turns up music to start dancing and getting ready for the day.

Monica makes her way to her bed and is jumping in her robe to the music and singing. Watching this all in Andrew who just walked in with morning coffee for Monica because she’s giving him a ride to work. “So this is what you now do in the morning.” Monica now becomes paralyzed. Slowly turns around in horror. As soon as she sees it’s only Andrew she relaxes and jumps off the bed to greet him.

“Way to scare a me. Goodness I thought you were a rapist or something.”

“What? Yes, a rapist would announce himself first.”

“Shut up! Thanks for the coffee.” Monica gives him a kiss on the cheek. “Now please step out I will throw on something and join you on the couch.”

“Alright. How are you not ready? Did something happen last night.”

“Oh you know the usual. Boy comes to my place, let himself in, set something up to help him, and then have a really deep conversation.” Monica begins to shyly walk off letting Andrew swallow what was just said.

“When did this happen?”

“Last night.”

“Right. Well... umm. Who was it?” Andrew is getting off the couch and making his way to the kitchen to make himself look busy.

“Mike. I forgot I told him I would talk with him, slightly embarressing but it was a good time.”

“Good. Listen I would love to hear more but completely forgot I’m meeting a client.” Walks over to Monica. “Give me a call later.” He grabs his coffee and makes his way to the door.

“Okay. Have a good meeting.”

“Thanks.” Andrew exist leaving Monica in a robe with coffee on the couch.

“Well that was weird.” Monica doesn’t let it phase her and gets ready for the day and puts the music back on.

“What a night.” Andrew roles over hugging Monica. “How’d you sleep?”

“Oh just splendid.” She stretches out. Gives him a kiss on the cheek and makes her way to the bathroom wearing is tee shirt that is a night gown on her. “Score to not waking up with a hang over.”

“You always knew how to avoid those.”

“Fact.” Monica has the truth brush her her mouth giving a coy smile to Andrew. He responds with a smirk to walking up to Monica. He puts his arms around her waste.

“Breakfast?”

“Yes please!” He kisses her neck and makes his way into the next room to the kitchen. “Is it possible to have some french toast?”

“As you wish.” Andrew starts getting the pans down. Monica looks over to Andrews bed. She has slept over here a lot of times but something felt different this time. Andrew stayed by her a lot of the night, which he does when there is drinking to make sure no douche could talk to her. But it was weird when she was talking to Jay, he knew Jay before. He stayed close. I don’t know Jay but with Andrew staying close made me question if Jay was legit about what he said.

Andrew could tell Monica was thinking from her stare. He knew better than to ask. She would put on a different face and talk about whatever was on her mind. Better to let her think and then have her come to him. “Sugar on the french toast?”

“Always.” She puts on a smile and makes her way into the kitchen to sit on the chair with her legs hanging off the side arm. “What did you think of Jay?” Monica ask while looking out the window. Andrew turn while beating the eggs for the toast to be dipped into.

“Which one was Jay?”

Monica turns back, playing with a napkin on the table. Andrew knows this guy was not just someone she is asking about to ask his story. “I was talking to him for some of the night. Maybe a little taller than me, worked for his family.” Monica pausing not wanting to give too much up about him.

“Oh yeah, he seems like a good guy.”

Monica sits up a little higher getting her friend approval. “Yeah I though so.”

“He’ll probably be at the party tonight. I think his close friend is throwing it.”

“I don’t believe he’ll be there.” Andrew looks up from his eyes with a confused faced. Just as he is able to ask, “He’s taken me out on a date.” Monica gives a coy smile. While Andrew almost drops the eyes. “Careful!” Monica jumps up to catch them as if she could save them. But Andrew gains his balance of them. Now Monica is on the floor from trying to run across the room and Andrew is holding the bowl of eggs like a child. They just end up laughing and curled up in balls.

I see Mike and Shay in passing. Shay was a douche and did not deserve my time to just be let down. I fall for douches and they get boring. But Mike was such a sweet heart. I did the smile and wave hellos but that was about all. Even the nice adorable ones can be boring. I did the judging without really knowing. But I was quit surprise to come to learn on of my very close guy friends Andrew was getting close to Shay. It made no sense to me. I was talking with Andrew and Shay came up to talk with us. Yes I said us.

“Hey guys.”

“Hey man what’s going on.” They did the bro hug of one arm hand shake embrace let go.

“I’ve been good. How about you, hit any new trails this weekend?”

“Nah man been too busy. But this girl has had my bike all week and been riding.”

“You let her ride yours?”

“Dude she’s the only girl I will let ride. I probably wont even let my wife ride. But she’s an awesome rider.”

“Shut up Andrew, your going to let your wife ride.” I smile after nudging Andrew playfully and rock to the other side.

“Your the first girl I know to ride.”

“Seriously? You must got get out much.” Okay the was a dig. Please play off of it so I don’t seem like a bitch.

“I know I live in the woods, gosh.”

I giggle a little. “Damn you in the woods.” What a stupid comment. Did I seriously just say that? Monica just walk away.

“I know they don’t know life outside of it. You know there is a major city right?” Thank god for Andrew.

“I’ve heard of it. Large buildings and such. I should see it sometime.” Oh my goodness he can be sarcastic! No one outside of my family or my best friends can be sarcastic. Like don’t get me wrong some people think they’re, however they fail. They have one every so often they can pull off but this came so natural that you know he just said it. Was not thinking about it a while and just threw it out there. Dude who is this guy?

“Yeah man we were watch Entourage at this chicks place, she’s never seen the show. I thought she was straight up retarded. Who has people over and puts on a show they have never seen? We knew she was going to be the one to get offended to. Like this girl barely watched any sort of vulgar thing. Like just one line in a four hour movie would be vulgar and she will hate it.”

“Dude Entourage is an amazing show.” That’s right now I’m back in this conversation.

“You watch Entourage?” He just looked at me with a serious face. Kid are you judging me? What is with the stare?

“Yes, do you have an issue with that?”

“No it’s cool.” Shay then rocks back and walks away.

“What’s with that kid?” I just stare off and let Andrew give the answer of whatever he is thinking.