Wedding and a Play-date

What can I say about my first crush. Everyone has one. Same as most people have a first day of kindergarten. Now I don't remember our first meeting. Nor when I knew I liked him. It is more the actions and experiences we shared. Defending him when another girl was trying to steal his attention from me. Running up to him and giving him a kiss. The moments of being innocent children of playing in the pool or running around the jungle gym.

The sunny blond hair with water blue eyes stole my heart as a five year old. I thought we would get married. I would become the next Mrs. McKay. Now obviously I would not get married at five. But we would grow out of our velcro shoes together. Learning to tie our shoes. Maybe even tie each others.

From shoes tying comes the dressing ourselves. Learning how to write. All this we would learn together. Before we could grow young together we first had to speak to one another.

Which honestly was no issue for me. I was not shy. I would and will walk up to strangers and just talk to them. But not this time. This boy staring at me with his light, ocean, welcoming eyes simply left me speechless. I would only admire Tyler from afar. Watch him while he played and shared with our classmates. But one weekend while going to my brothers soccer game Tyler was there. Why is he here? This isn't school its family time. Now my family will know everything it will be, hey Tyler. I spoke. Words were coming out of my mouth? From there we went on the play our games and let our relationship grow. 

When school came all the other girls had to know he was mine. All mine.

At school I felt it as if I was at a higher power than the rest of my class. I was the one everyone wanted to be friends with. All the girls wanted to talk to me. The teacher want to call on me all the time. I would go on to have amazing grades, have all the IVY Leagues wanting me. I would get the best job and our life was set.

There was one issue though. I was not that only girl that wanted his attention. A girl names Charlie liked Tyler as well. Charlie was the one who was to go to the attendance office to give who was here and who was not. Everyone wanted to go with her. Charlie and I were friends so I was the one who would normally go with her. It wasn’t a question. Our teacher would call her then I would meet her at the door and we would head out. This time she passed me and went straight for Tyler. She asked him to go and he looked over at me. This was not happening Tyler was mine. Charlie knew it. He was mine. All mine.

Tyler went to walk with Charlie but I stop them. Charlie was like me with always wanting things her way. She was a bully. I knew how to deal with bullys. I was the bully. I pulled on her hand to start walking but she pulled away telling Tyler to go with her. Tyler was a sweet heart he would just go to not have issues. Even let Charlie and sometimes me walk over him and not say a word. I would not to back down. I was the one to go with her. Either I would go or no one would go. She hit me. No one hits me. I slapped her so hard her face turned red. She instantly started crying and ran out of the room. I just want back to my circle of friends like nothing happened.

Not sure how the next few days went. I have blocked out a lot of my kindergarden experience. They didn’t like me there. Would continuously send me for counseling or send me home. Either way the school knew I did not like them. They have no problem showing they did not like me. It was a Christian school, not very Christ spirited if you ask me. First the banned me from going to school for a few days. Who bans a six year old. Apparently if its laundry day and you can only wear certain items of clothing, and all you have of those items are black, your a sinner, hate God, and worship Satan. I was six. Then if you do not hang out with all of your white classmates and you hang out with the chinese or black students you are a racist and are in need of help. Yes. I was a six year old who worshipped Satan and was racist. That was me. I walked a fine line my time there. Maybe it was better to walk to my own beat. I was better off. My friends there either left the school or the stuck it out.

I know Tyler did. It was probably the only thing he could hold on to. His family fell apart when his brother becoming a drug addict. I don’t know all the details. All I know is that one day he came home and attack his father and hospitalized him.

I knew our time together was short but we spent a lot of time together. It was just the two of us. On day in my backyard we were running around because it was a beautiful sunny day and what else do you do as a kid? My backyard seemed as if it was miles long. We ran through the jungle gym, swung on my swing, then ending the day with a hide and seek. When it was his turn to count I waited till he had two counts left. I ran up from behind him. He seemed so at peace and angelic. While I was a wild women. Charging down to stop in front of him and I kissed him. It only lasted a second. So quick. I jumped. Then I ran away as quickly as I ran up to him. Nothing happened after it. I ran away.

New

That was the end of that story. That was a whole piece rather than the one before it which was only about five or six pages of that story. However I have started working on a new story which I shall post up the beginning of it by Sunday. I hope you enjoyed it. I am trying to have to stories be different so I hope they are. Well the next one is different from what I know and going slightly out of my comfort zone so I hope you enjoy!

The end

You look fine. Don’t worry. Michelle and you have not seen each other through college. She went to Paris for the past five years. How could she have kept in touch with people from our school. You were even her roommate and didn’t stay in touch. This is going to be fine. You will know no one. Just open up the door and look happy. Wow giving myself a pep talk about a dinner. While going to meetings with higher up Execs you don’t worry. Coming to a fun dinner with friends concerns me. Goodness. Joy pulls open the door and walks into the room with confidence. She looks for Michelle. Spots her. Freezes. No fucking way. Wes? It had to be Adam’s best friend Wes didn’t it. Okay maybe no one has seen me yet. I can turn and r--

“Joy! Hey I am so happy you made it.”

“Michelle you look beautiful!” They embrace and Joy tries to keep her eyes off of Wes so when the infinite introduction comes she can pretend as if she never saw him.

“Joy, this is Wes who I have told you so much about. Wes this is Joy.” Wes turns to face Joy with a face of pure amazement and shock. “We were in the same pledge class. I told you I had run into her a few weeks ago and been catching up.”

“Yes. I remember. It’s good to see you again Joy.” Michelle gets a very confused face.

“Same. How have you been?”

Wes embraces Michelle. “Could never be happier.” You truly do look happy. It’s nice. Wes deserves someone special. Oh God. Adam. Please God do not say he is here.

“You two know each other?”

“From growing up but didn’t really know each other till after college, we had a mutual friend.” Joy says as if it is a normal thing to say. As if she was going to add they went to the Hamptons and sailed together while sipping mamosha’s. Joy’s Connecticut upbringing had a way of coming out every so often.

“Sadly they are not here. When I moved to Paris I lost contact with a lot of people, so I mainly have childhood friends and family here.” Wes thank you! He knew I clearly looked uncomfortable it probably looks like someone just pulled all the weight I have been holding on to off. 

“Oh what a shame. Michelle had told me she gave you a personal tour of Paris.”

“That she did. Michelle would you excuse us for a second I just want to do some of my own catching up with Joy,”

“Yes, I saw some more guest come in, I will go greet them.”

“Always being the great hostess.” They give each other a kiss then Joy and Wes head into a separate room. Wes closes the door behind him and just pauses. “Joy what are you doing here.” Joy could barely here because it was such a soft whisper. 

“Wes I truly had no idea that you were the Wes that was Michelle fiance.”

“He’s not here. After breaking off the engagement with you, he’s life went really bad. He started drinking a lot, he just stayed in hotels, he even went to California to get away. After doing that for almost a year, he came back to New York. He came to see you again Joy. He was so disgusted with what he did. He couldn’t even talk to you.”

“What are you talking about, he never came to see me.”

“He was going to. But he saw you before you say him. You were leaving the gym, it was two months after you had given birth, he came to sign the adoption papers. However instead of signing them he put a petition to get custody.”

What?

“He saw how broken you looked. The family he found out had moved away so he went to seek them out. He meet with them, and they said if he truly wanted custody they could not stop him. He filed to get custody and he won.”

“He won?”

“Yes. He lives with Noelle, your daughter, back in Connecticut. His home town.”

“I need to go. I wish you and Michelle the best but I truly cannot be here.” How could he do that? He left me! Why would he do such a thing? Just get me home. I want to be home now. Oh God. Why did no one tell me.

“Joy he did what he thought was best.”

He abonded me. He doesn’t get to have my daughter. I had nine months with her, to hold her once. He’s had two years of holding her.

_ _ _  _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

“Franky can you take care of things at the office. I am going to be working from home today. If any of the bosses call tell them I am taking down my carbon foot print. They will take it as a solid answer.”

“Okay Joy. Did everything go okay last night?”

“Yeah it went well. I just had a little bit too much you know?”

“Take it easy. Don’t forget though tomorrow about the conferences and would you like me to call and cancel your conference call with the unknown author?”

“Cancel it. Make it tomorrow. I brought a lot home with me yesterday so I don’t believe I will be calling again.”

“Okay.”

“Alright bye.”

He has my baby. 

Joy starts dialing the phone, with a suitcase in hand.

“Hey Mom. Yes, I know I haven’t called in a while. I was thinking of coming back home for the day. Yes I remember how to get there. I’ll see you soon.”

“Michelle thank you so much for meeting me! You didn’t get too lost I hope.”

“No not at all. This is the one place I actually know how to get to. My boyfriend and I come here a lot.” Funny so did Adam and I.

“Oh wow. your seeing someone? Who’s the lucky guy?” Michelle dated in college but never called any of them a boyfriend, she was never too serious about relationships. Unlike me who had a boyfriend through out college to end out senior year then a year after college I meet Adam. 

“Yeah it just sort of happened. When I was living in Paris, we ran into each other. We literally ran into each other. I was running and adjusting my head phones and he was a typical American being lost in his own world on the phone.”

“Oh wow, ‘typical Americans’. You moved there right after we graduated correct?”

“Yeah, it was such a shock. But I loved ever minute of it.” 

“Wow. I have never been to Paris. I hear it is a city you either fall in love with or you never go back to.” That is definitely true. When Wes came to Paris on business, oh Wes is my boyfriend. But when..” Wes. That was the names of my ex fiances best man. I can’t remember the last time I heard that name. He was also so kind and we had a little thing when we were in college but were much better friends. “I had to show him around the city, but he still did not appreciate it.”

“Well I’m sure if you gave me a tour it could change my mind. How long have you and Wes been seeing each other?” I feel myself taking a hard swallow. What is so hard if it is the Wes I know. He didn’t leave me. Although he was my support system until is caused major issues with Adam and we just lost touch.

“Umm. Not too sure. Just under a year.”

“Oh wow. That’s amazing! Congratulations.”

“Thank you. It is weird because at first I didn’t think much of him, and I believe he knew that. But now he’s great. I think he was forced to grow up and he did.” Michelle just sits back and does this smile of being absolutely smitten. “Joy are you seeing anyone?”

“Me? You know me. Running from each relationship to the next.” They both laugh. “In all seriousness I was engaged but the guy was not ready so it has just taken me longer than expected to get back into the dating mind.”

“Wow, that’s hard. I thought you would be married by now.” So did I. “You always had the boys chasing after you. There was one I though you would give a chance but even he didn’t make the cut.”

“Well then he one who got away. His loss though right.” I hope it’s his loss

“Tell you what. I am having an engagement little thing next week. I would really like for you to come. It is totally casual. I am not one for big, showy, you know? No dinner. Simply entrees with servers walking around with them and drinks. My soon to be mother and law hates the idea, but its my wedding.”

“Are you sure?”

“Joy your coming.”

Edited

It has been two years since Joy gave birth to her daughter. And two years since seeing her daughter. The family who adopted her has moved and is no longer in contact with Joy. The scares still show on Joy’s body of giving birth, but only slightly. Stepping out of the subway on 33rd Street to walk the three blocks north to her office, Joy knows no one around her knows the pain she carries with her everyday. Nobody can step out without showing a past in this city. Last year I broke down in my office and my boss’s receptionist walked in. Work gave me a personal day to “get my hormones in check”. God if only they knew what that day was. I held that job for three years then left for six months of leave for a ‘missions trip’ with no photos or stories and nobody questioned it. Or how I left engaged and came back single. I guess that’s why they didn’t ask.What a world I live in.

“Joy call for you, it’s the editors wanting the rest of the story.”

“Franky when are they not wanting more? Never satisfied. Tell them I sent it last night.”

“Okay.” Franky what an assitant. He thinks I don’t know about all the unpaid hours he works. Kid keeps my life in order. Even when I was gone he sent me emails of what was going on. He’s going to take over this company someday and no one will be able to stop him. Hell I’ll even let him.

_ _ _  _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

“Tony as I told you yesterday and all of last week there is going to be nothing to add to the story. I was sent to me anonymously. I can’t find out who sent it. All I know is they added an account number, that wont give out information. It will only accept money sent to it for being published. And there was money attached to it for 500 copies to be printed. That’s the only number they wanted printed.”

“Joy. I hear you, but frankly I don’t give a damn. This novel is phenomenal. I want to publish more.”

“My hands are tied. Now my two o’clock is waiting. I still need to meet with those willing to show their identity.”

“Fine. But work on this story Joy. We need to get more copies out of them.”

“Alright. Bye Tony.” Joy hang up before Tony could get any last words in. If only he knew the tragic “fiction” novel he’s loving was my life story I wrote it to help with the depression I was in during my pregnancy. Not only was I pregnant and a lone, but I couldn’t tell anyone about it. Adam left, my family is strict Roman Catholic and work? Oh please. They would have fired me. Great my two o’clock is a happy young college grad with probably a perfect family. Oh and look at that, an engagement ring. I was engaged. He knocked me up and fled the country. Literally.

“Joy this is your two o’clock.”

“Great follow me. I feel like going for a walk. I’m not one for formal interviews so don’t bother introducing yourself. You know who I am so I wont bother introducing myself. Frank need to know your name, you need to worship Frank. You trouble him too much, then your done. Okay leave your story with him and it was great meeting you.” Joy gets on the elevator leaving this girl very confused. Joy waves and enjoyed her slight power rush she just got. Now walking out on to the marble lobby where her heels echo but more of a song than the awkward smacking. Today it gets better.

_ _ _  _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Down by Joy’s apartment they just put in a small office space for the company that she used for putting her daughter up for adoption. Everyday she walks past it being reminded of the day she meet in their office to say good bye. I wonder if they have the same couches in the back room? They were yellow with flowers, you sunk into the couch and it made you feel a sense of bliss. Perfect when you are far a long in your pregnancy. I would feel so stressed out from not being at work and losing my support system. I never thought of adoption. Goodness why they have to put this in. Joy walks off to get her food in the organic shop she gets all her food from. Without this place she would honestly starve. 

What did I have last night? “Joy is that you?” I know this voice. Joy picks up her head to see a girl she had gone to college with. They were in the same sorority and even were roommates in one of their satellite houses.

“Michelle? Oh wow, oh are you?!”

“Good, I actually have been crazy busy with life you know. Wow it’s so good to run into a familiar face, I just moved here.”

“Oh where?”

“I live actually just across the street. All I really know is this shop and how to get to my job. I was living in Paris but then got laid off so now I got a job here. The job gave me a place until I find one of mine own, which might be across the river since I see the bill and no way could I keep it.”

“New York taxes, all I can say. I live actually about a block up. We should get together for dinner sometime and catch up! There are a few girls from Zeta here and we get drinks on Saturday or Friday’s, depending on how stressful the weeks been.”

“That sounds wonderful. For now I will agree to catching up. I could actually do coffee, rather than drinks. I just don’t know my way around yet so day light is my friend.”

“I totally understand.”

“Well here is my card with my number, cell, and email. Give me a call tomorrow about when would work for you.”

“Oh I would love to. Oh it was so good seeing you!” The two embrace and part ways. Michelle. Wow what a wonderful girl. She went to Georgetown with me, she was from North Carolina and was so humble and basically a southern bell. Georgetown changes people, well those not used to that environment. Not her though.

_ _ _  _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

“Franky.”

“Yes.”

“Could you come into my office?”

“What do you need?”

“Could you tell me what’s missing?”  This story is good. It is deep. Well I just might think that because it is mine. But I can’t tell what I’ missing from it.

“Life.”

“What?”

“The story, it’s just a story. There is not life to it to make you want to keep going. The author is speaking to you not with you.”

“What would I do without you.” Joy smiles embracing Frank.

“Who knows.” Life wow. I did not think my story could be lifeless. It’s the second part of having to give up my daughter alone because Adam walked out on me.

Joy continues to read over the words she had written. Holding a confused frustrated, annoyed face.

“Are you okay?”

Franky gave me his opinion but he wanted fresh eyes, someone who doesn’t know what I like. Someone who would be straight with me. Joy starts dialing the number of who she knows will give her a direct answer.

“Alright I’m going back to my desk.”

“Franky.”

“Yes.”

“Could you come into my office?”

“What do you need?”

“Could you tell me what’s missing?”

“Life.”

“What?”

“The story, it’s just a story. There is not life to it to make you want to keep going. The author is speaking to you not with you.”

“What would I do without you.” Joy smiles embracing Frank.

“Who knows.” Life wow. I did not think my story could be lifeless. It’s the second part of having to give up my daughter alone because Adam walked out on me.

Joy continues to read over the words she had written  Franky gave me his opinion but he wanted fresh eyes, someone who doesn’t know what I like. Someone who would be straight with me. Joy starts dialing the number of who she knows will give her a direct answer.