“Am I being ridiculous?” I’m over his house and memories of what we have been doing have been racing through my mind. The cuddling, handholding. kissing, just all of it.

“Being ridiculous?” He just answered confused pulling his arm arm in tighter around my waist and we’re laying on our sides on the couch.

“Yeah.” My hips slightly rock back into him. This is a difficult territory for us cause me moving back lifts his shirt a little making him get excited and his hand moves to begin to rub my leg. All thoughts escape me.

His other arm that I’m using as a pillow he using to then move the hair away from my neck as he kisses it. I move to lay on my back as he moves on top of me kissing my neck, along my jawline, the teasing along my lips.

“Rachel where have you been?” I’m sitting in my chair with a book in hand and unsure of why someone is asking me that when it seems that I have been here for hours.

“Well, right here.”

“Thanks. That’s not obvious. I feel like I haven’t seen you for days though. What’s been going on?” Gen does look genuinely interested.

“Nothing really.” I begin to put my book down and shrug off the question. “What about with you?”

“No way. Your not getting out like that. I have to hear from someone else that a certain someone made you dinner.”

“Oh that? Honestly nothing serious. I wouldn’t consider it anything.”

“Well that’s depressing. Why are you even wasting your time with it?”

“I don’t think it’s wasting my time.” I don’t. I enjoy the time we spend together but if everything is going to be summed up to how it all looks, it looks like we are interested in one another but all this kid tells me is how he doesn’t like me or want to date me. How can I tell Gen that? That will just prove her point that I’m wasting my time. Maybe I am. That’s for me to realize though.

“Okay, well if your not wasting you time, then. I don’t know that’s your opinion of things. If you don’t think you are then what am I to say differently. Just remember to keep your options open and don’t be closed off to someone.”

Yeah, that’s easier said than done.

The next day we continue to talk as always. Forgetting the past and starting fresh. We continued to speak in our tangential way. Making plans to hang out or seeing what was going on. This is how our days would be spent. Talking all day long in this other cyber world. This seems normal right? To me it did anyway. Almost a routine or habit. People thought we were dating, honestly they did. Isn’t that what anyone would think? To be honest with you at times I thought it myself. But, there was nothing romantic, or well I should say he wasn’t romantic. We would simply sit and do whatever the plans were, it came off as being completely platonic.

The time spent together was no small thing. It is time and energy that your putting into a person. This person, that yes. They are your friend, but you’ve got to wonder if there is more to it all. Moments that it is just the two of you making the plans. Then it would become me not just making the plans. This is how June went on, then July came. After days spent of it just being the two of us, I could not image another world. It was simply days spent together. If there was any free moment we would spend them together. 

“Are you coming over for dinner?”

I know we have plans together but what does he mean by dinner? “Dinner?”

“Yeah, I asked you to come over because I’d have the house to myself so I thought you could come over and I would cook us dinner.” He says this as he casually walks past me. I can easily think this is him being flirtatious right?

“I suppose I can do that.” He then pulls me into him and I nuzzle into him on the couch. This is a place I have become comfortable and enjoy being here. I accept this thought and instantly wish I didn’t think it. Not only that, but that I was okay with it. I should not be okay with this thought. Especially in this moment. I can feel my body tense up against his. I know he can sense it. His body slightly adjusts to make it better but this does not help it.

“You okay?”

“Umm yeah. I’m going to grab a drink. Want anything?” I stand while saying this and heading to the steps to get to the kitchen.

“I’m good.” He just continues to rest his arm on the couch seeming completely casual. Obviously I am the crazy one who is over thinking this. Right? That’s all this is. I manage to give an awkward smile as I make my way up the steps. I believe I am keeping my thoughts in my head to myself but I am honestly not sure. Hopefully they’re not slipping. “Forgetting something?” I stop mid step going up the stairs.

“What?”

“Your glass.”

“Oh. Right. Thanks.” Another awkward smile and I go slowly up the stairs. I move to the fridge and my hand is on the handle and all I can do is stare at it. Should I actually get the drink which will keep me here longer, watching whatever it is we are watching and have his arm around me, or quickly gulp down the last of my drink and make up some excuse for why I have to leave? The smart thing to do would be to leave. Is that what I do? No.

“So what are you doing up there?” I hear him downstairs and it pulls me back into the moment to know I am still staring at the fridge and haven’t moved for at least three minutes.

“Oh sorry I got distracted.”

“Way to be. Will you just get down here?”

“Demanding much?”

“No. Would you please come back down here.” I can’t help but give a small smile and slightly hop to start making my way down. I leave the glass and completely forget about getting a drink or even leaving. Why would I want to leave? I come around the couch and just fall down on it and I’m back in his arms. His arms seems to just fit perfectly. Like this is where I am meant to be.

Last Post

Hey the last post was a story I had written for class and I thought it would be fun to put up the story. I am still working on the last story so here is more to it!

The ways I do things are a reflection of myself. Yes, I do things a little crazy, unconventional, and just seems to be ridiculous. If you had my mind and life, you would understand. However being an outsider and simply judging from a small interaction you observe of myself with another person, is no way to understand a person. When you get to know someone on a certain level it either makes your relationship stronger or there becomes a greater distance. The worst is when you know so much about a person, but there is this separation that happens, or there was a separation and a connection that was created at a distance. I’m not sure what’s worse. You be the judge, but all I know is that a connection face to face can easily be phased out. One at a distance where it’s purely your minds matching then leaving that person behind is harder.

Who knows if it is the heart that bonded or the mind with this connection. It’s hard to say. Even being in this world I can’t vocalize or understand where I stand. That is why this story has been created. Isn’t it funny when you can just share you life, it’s like your an open book. Well, words on a page that your now reading, judging my mind and my situation. Anyway, that’s enough from me. But isn’t this guys ridiculous, like ladies come one! And guys I know you need to stick with your bros, but help a guy out and talk to him about these things. Yes, guys it’s helpful to have girlfriends that you can talk to, but if all you have is girls that you bond with, then your just creating this bad cycle of bonding with a girl, she falls for you, you start to miss her, and then a new girl is in your life.

Guys, this is why girls don’t like you all the time.

Now that’s enough of this crazy girls rant. Let us pick back up from where I left you. I am home and dealing with realizing that what I just sat through was crazy and super ridiculous.

In the moment of talking to him the conversation went on to tangents of shows and movies. Yes, seems like small things but they were conversation flows that happened. Who doesn’t like a good movie? There was conversation and we were out for a while with one another, but what does that even show? That we can brush things under the rug and just go about the rest of the day? Hopefully, this doesn’t become a continuing issue. We did talk, and it was face to face which is important. Ahh I just need a nap.

Normal things

“Mom!” I scream from my room to be heard throughout the whole house.

“Yes?” I’m quivering.

“Please come here!” How could this honestly be happening?

“What’s wrong?” I look up and show my mom the cut on my arm. “Honey what happened?”

“I was moving this stupid chest so I could have space for Cameron to come over later and put up the shelves. Ehh, it burns!” I continue to whine, like this could honestly make this any better? I don’t know if I am more upset about the cut on my arm or that when Cameron comes over he will get sick from blood spilling on the ground and he’ll probably be able to still smell the blood from my cut even if it’s all bandaged up by the time he comes over.

“Here, how about we put on neosporum and cover that up.”

“Okay that should be good.” That should hide the smell as well. Oh if only my mom really knew why I was really freaking out. “Mom will the take away the smell of blood?”

“The smell? I guess when we clean you all up. But I can’t smell any of it. After we clean you all up just clean up your floor and you should be fine. It was barely anything.”

“I know I just. Never mind.”

“Okay. It’s just a small thing so I don’t understand the big deal.” Yeah the bug deal is blood makes my boyfriend go crazy. Not in the I’’m uncomfortable and going to get queasy kind, the more I want to drink all your blood and kill you kind. You know normal things. However if he did act on it, he would become seriously ill. Over time he’s built up his system to handle normal food to survive, but he’ll always have that weakness. 

“Yeah, mom your right. Sorry for over reacting.” My arm is all bandaged up and I am still worried how Cameron will react. Will he even notice the smell.

“Honey, just lay down. I will send Cameron up to do the shelves when he gets here.” I try to seem relaxed but I don’t know if I should lay still or wrap my arm up in a bunch of layers hoping it will cover up the smell. Ahh your going crazy this is simply-

“Honey! Comeron’s here!”