I should not have gone over there. What was I thinking? I have just left his house and walked to my car. It was an enjoyable evening with a long goodbye. However living the world that we created for the two of us, makes reality hit. This is not my boyfriend, but I’m acting like he is. He treats me like a girlfriend. I am caught up in that happy bliss, but then I’m reminded that he does not like me nor would he want to date me.

Subtle right? I’m an idiot. Or could this become something in the end? This is dangerous territory to be in. I never thought I would be one of these guys that would like a guy treat me this way without any commitment. I judged these girls. I thought these girls were stupid. I am not this girl.

It’s so typical to think that guys do not think of the consequences of their actions. It’s true. After the first incident of this I said I wanted him out of my life. What changed? It just made his actions and treatment of me okay. Why condone this behavior.

I should probably start my car and drive away instead of debating all of this in front of his house. I start driving and it’s almost like driving from his house with the windy roads and constant stop signs. Like this is going to be confusing territory with stops along the way. One is an exit while one with send you to the confusing back roads where you’ll be trapped. Literally, taking the wrong turn around here sends you in multiple exits with what seems like no way out.

Ridiculous. I now make it to the main road and know it’s easy left turn and straight venture home. Sure there are a few stops and windy roads but not what I just left. Its funny, the further I am from him things are more laid out, there seems to be some sort of plan. Then the closer I get, it’s like I basic thinking is a challenging. Even knowing that makes it difficult to make this turn home.

“Screw it.” I turn and head home to get in my pajamas and curl up in bed reminiscing this night and knowing it was the wrong decision.