I should not have gone over there. What was I thinking? I have just left his house and walked to my car. It was an enjoyable evening with a long goodbye. However living the world that we created for the two of us, makes reality hit. This is not my boyfriend, but I’m acting like he is. He treats me like a girlfriend. I am caught up in that happy bliss, but then I’m reminded that he does not like me nor would he want to date me.

Subtle right? I’m an idiot. Or could this become something in the end? This is dangerous territory to be in. I never thought I would be one of these guys that would like a guy treat me this way without any commitment. I judged these girls. I thought these girls were stupid. I am not this girl.

It’s so typical to think that guys do not think of the consequences of their actions. It’s true. After the first incident of this I said I wanted him out of my life. What changed? It just made his actions and treatment of me okay. Why condone this behavior.

I should probably start my car and drive away instead of debating all of this in front of his house. I start driving and it’s almost like driving from his house with the windy roads and constant stop signs. Like this is going to be confusing territory with stops along the way. One is an exit while one with send you to the confusing back roads where you’ll be trapped. Literally, taking the wrong turn around here sends you in multiple exits with what seems like no way out.

Ridiculous. I now make it to the main road and know it’s easy left turn and straight venture home. Sure there are a few stops and windy roads but not what I just left. Its funny, the further I am from him things are more laid out, there seems to be some sort of plan. Then the closer I get, it’s like I basic thinking is a challenging. Even knowing that makes it difficult to make this turn home.

“Screw it.” I turn and head home to get in my pajamas and curl up in bed reminiscing this night and knowing it was the wrong decision.

“Just jump!”

“Oh funny Kyle, why don’t go go first.” Standing at the edge of this cliff I have been countless times before doesn’t make this any easier. So dark with an almost endless bottom, however there lay rocks below the surface, but safe enough for us to jump. Welp, God is this is how we should meet at least make it epic. All that’s left is to push off this rock. I make the jump and there is the second of fear, joy, bliss, and then you hit the water.

“That was unreal!” I look up and see this huge smile on Kyle’s face.

“I knew you’d love this.” Kyle the pushes off the rocks jumping just to the left of me. I was still afraid he’d land on me but there was a solid distance. His head pops up covered with water running off of it, his hair all flat and all disheveled. He laughs at me and then shakes his hair. Making me turn away from him. I begin to swim to the shore. Not sure of where to go exactly, but I know I want to avoid us being in the water together. Being on land is easier being one on one rather than in the water. I don’t know what could come of this. Did I want anything to happen?

“So you love it?”

“Yeah thank you so much for bringing me here. The beauty here is incomparable.”

“Yeah its not bad.”

“Not bad? Oh man the trees with the view from the rocks. It’s so peaceful. There are very few places in where you could look at and just be in awe of the beauty that surrounds you and just the magic of it all. Only the creator could make this magic. No artist could replicate this nor photograph capture the essence of this.”

“Wow someone’s turning deep on me.”

“Sorry, just don’t understand when things go unappreciated. For example as you the simplicity of this view. You think it’s nice yes?”

“Yeah, so.”

“That’s it. It’s not a negative thing. I’m sure you would see something that I see as nice as something with so much detail that words are solely not enough for.”

“Right. I can see where your coming from.” Sadly I don’t believe him. Maybe he does know what I mean. I shouldn’t be thinking so much about comparing the guys. But it’s so easy. Fantasy verses what’s right in front of you the fantasy tends to win. Kyle is starring of into the distance and something about his face look out into the distance shows me he understands. He does not voice his thoughts and it’s easy to see him doing this is a lot for him. Should it be this much work for him to show who he is?

“Let’s jump again!” We have been sitting at the bottom where you need to climb up.

“Oh now you want to jump again? I jumped like six times before you even went once.”

“So? First you just wanted to jump to show me, then I could tell you couldn’t keep standing still so needed to jump. I like taking my time with things.”

“Right, come on just keep going.” When I get to the top I see across people have started coming but something tells me that we should start making our way down.

“Kyle would you be good if this is our last jump?”

“Sure, thought you’d want to be here for a longer but we could head back.”

“No I want to, just getting a guy feeling we should start heading back.”

“Alright sure.”

Tossing and turning is a sure sign of this life being unreal. However instead of waking up and acknowledging it is a new day, I wake up wondering what on earth is happening. I yearn to hear from him and await the moment of his return. But why? Why is this one so special? A hug can cause all this confusion. Well forget that, I need to brush my teeth. But seriously. Why him?

Truly nothing that sticks out about him, he’s quirky, sarcastic and not direct. SO fickle and not direct. Clearly none of those are winners right? Am I just bored of being single? I have been doing fine as being a single person but is that the problem? I have become too good at becoming single?

Wow listen to me I’m sounding like such a women! I should just get dressed this is ridiculous. Thank God it’s sunny out! Sun dress it is. At least that is something easy and simple I can handle. No second guess. Just walk in grab a bright dress fitting my mood. It’s a good thing I don’t have to shave and can do a strapless bra. I should probably bring a change of clothes because God only knows what I will end up doing later, hike, swimming, or just anything. Summer is amazing for this.

“Olivia what are you doing?” I turn and see my roommate coming into my room looking like she’s still recovering from the night before.

“Getting dressed.”

“You have been talking out loud to yourself for the last hour about some guy, who is he?”

“I haven’t!”

“You have. It was entertaining me until you were talking about that other guy you’ve liked but he’s way to shy for anything to happen, but now you totally have a chance for him. Just sayin’ play the field and not just one.”

“Ha! Funny I’m just making friends not playing anything. Playing the field involves games and not being myself. No thank you. Plus I will only play one. Well not play, but just think of one guy. God didn’t put me here for many but one. Well hopefully-”

“Oh shut up. I get it God has a plan for you blah blah blah! But come one, God never said to not have fun! I’m going to have a shot then grab coffee you want to come?”

“I’m good, meeting up  with some people in a few.”

“Okay. see ya. Oh and say hello to the new boy.” Oh room mate how special is thee. I daily question my choice but then she always makes me lean on God more and not be so caught up in my world and reminds me there are people out there needing saving. Such a double edge sword.

Did she really hear me talking? I thought it was all in my head! Guess not, fail! Welp can’t say hi to the new guy because no way to communicate, and he never bothered to get my number. But the old guy she wasn’t wrong about, but I feel like now it wouldn’t be hard to date him, but is he really someone I want to be with?

Did they think this was my last meal or something? This looks like a meal for about three people. Okay maybe I can eat it all but this is amazing! This would make a sufficient last meal. I wonder if that’s what Jesus thought. Like hey guys could we get a different wine, I want to savior it since I’m dying for all of you. If my mother heard that she would be doing so many prayers right now. But how could you not wonder.

“Eat Brooks.” I know that voice. I turn and see my child hood friend.

“Seth, oh man what are you doing here? Want some food?” I get up we do the bromance hug with smacking each others back to show how close we truly are.

“Brooks how you been my old friend?”

“You know living in Jersey working in the city for a marketing and publishing firm. It’s been good, shouldn’t really complain but can’t help it. How about you. Whatever happened to you traveling the world?”

“Oh I have done a lot of traveling..” I cannot hear the rest of his words because looking into his eyes I see this darkness that has been put in its place that brings chills to my spin. What has happened to my childhood friend? “I came back to the states about a year ago but had been living in Colorado doing rock climbing and of course snow boarding. Remember when we wanted to learn for these girls we thought were so hot?”

“Oh how could I forget? I ended up brakes my arm and spraining her ankle. But I still got her digits in the hospital.”

“Only you man. Now lets eat.” I see him break open the sushi and start eating it. So this should be safe food. Welp if I die at least my last meal was some good sushi. No screw that this taste awful.