It all starts in to local coffee shop. Many people use coffee shops to get to know a person and see if there is a chance for a relationship. That is the traditional way to look at things. Well, this was a first time grabbing coffee to share how a relationship was not going to happen.

“I just asked you to go there because I thought you would enjoy it. There was not alternative motive.”

“The way you were talking about it and plans made it come off that you were planning it for just us and had planned for it to mean more.”

“Yeah I thought it would be something that we could do, but I was the one asking.”

“Yeah I know you asked.”

“Right. I am the girl. Me asking, not you. If you had asked it would have been different. There would have been a thought process of maybe this is more than just friends, but it was me.”

“I know, but you made it sound like you wanted more to come out of it.”

“How?” I shift in my car in a slight confusion trying to remember the conversation we had of me asking him to go. I talked it up in excitement because I have good memories of the place and honestly thought he would have really enjoyed going to it.

“You just kept saying how I would enjoy it and didn’t seem like you wanted anyone else to go.” He just sits there seeming so uncomfortable and awkward.

“Honestly that is just how I am. I like getting to know people and building relationships with them so I spend time one on one time with them. In a group you can’t do that. There are just others and distractions, it just makes it hard. I don’t really know what you want me to say. You don’t really know who I am or much about me so you just assumed these were my attentions.”

“Well . . . you would joke about us dating.”

“I also told you it would never work out for us to date.”

“I know.”

“So apparently me thinking we would never date and telling you it wouldn’t work out clearly means that I want to date you.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“I am just trying to understand.” I am trying to hold back my defensive tone but he isn’t being rational. His responses are coming off so quiet and as though he is uncomfortable and doesn’t believe what he says. “If you are making accusations about me liking you and wanting more you should be able to back up your thinking.”

“I just . . . I got, I just got this feeling so I stopped it before it went further.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah so anyway how’s your coffee?” Seriously? This guy really has no back bone.

“It’s good. Listen I am getting kind of tired and I cam here to talk to settle things but you don’t seem interested in doing that.” I begin to move off the seat and he still is just staring at me. Is he really this dumb?

“I thought we did.”

“Do you not talk things out to make them better?”

“I never have before no.”

“Seriously?”

“No. I haven’t.” He just stares and me and shrugs his soldiers like I’m the crazy one/”

“Wow. That is ridiculous. Have you not had a friend you’ve wanted to talk things out with, or even a girl you liked or liked you?”

“I don’t. I just don’t talk about it or to them really and then we just start talking again.”

“Wow that’s really immature. Sorry but it’s true.”

“Thanks.”

“Well, umm, when you want to talk, then reach out, but for now I am not going to waste my time just pushing something under the rug that you brought up. It may seem like I am making a big deal about this, but I can’t believe you brought this up and didn’t expect to talk about it.”

“I just don’t.”

“Just don’t what?”

“Talk about things. I get over it and that’s it.”

“Yeah, well when you have an issue with a person you need to say something to them.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” I have no idea what to say or think in this situation. Am I being defensive or a typical girl and over thinking things? He’s making me feel like the crazy one. I break my muffin in half contemplating this. He sits there tapping on his drink with his fingers. Just tapping, making no noise but just a distraction in the silence of awkward that has just transpired. 

I shift to cross my legs the opposite way leaning back to pull the wrapper off the bottom half of my muffin. Chocolate chip muffins from dunking are always softer than a bakery or bagel shop makes them. It is harder to break and harder to eat. Why did I even get a muffin? The donuts are good enough and I wouldn’t mind having a Boston creme. Ahh my thoughts are all over the place.

Rachel get your head straight. “So how’s that muffin working out?”

“It’s working. I don’t know about the good or bad. Kinda making me think why I didn’t just get a donut.”

“You can still get one.”

“I’m good.”

“Okay, well if your not happy with something you can change it.” Oh the irony.

Douche! That is the main thing going through my mind when I pull into my garage. You know happy thoughts of course. I was so happy having a lovely day, well okay maybe wasn’t the best because I have been super moody but I was on the upswing to be happy and things looking up for a brighter night that I was even considering going out tonight. Not a big thing but I was out of my funk. So I tell him that I am thinking that I’ll end up going over. He says this other girl is coming whose ‘just a friend’ so it’d be better if I don’t. Come again? Was I know the girl you were making out with the other night? Obviously I should be the one told to not come over.

Douche! I am just staring at my steering wheel, I somehow had the thought process to turn off my car and take my keys out. Stomping up the steps from my garage into my house I move past the people, it is as if they are figures and I do not know how we got to where we are now. One minute things are great! Okay let’s be real maybe it wasn’t great, or good for that matter. Maybe it just was. But just was, was better than what it is now. When I look at him I feel disgust. No, I don’t even look at him or think of him. Well, I do think of him that is a lie because he is what’s fueling this intense productively.

A guy. A silly boy is what is fueling this crazed let’s get work done and over drive mentality. He is only a boy because he is not a man so a boy is fitting. You can be the age of a man but not act or have the attitude of one. That is besides the point. One of the biggest tensions between a guy and a girl is whether they like one another or not. The closer they get, the more confused they get. There are connections that are made, an unspeakable bond you could say. Knowing how the other thinks, their past, and them talking about your future. The future makes it come off as though they will be in each others futures in a different way.There is something special and different about this one. They say guys and girls cannot be just friends. We should have listened. Getting to this level of being so close that it almost seemed inevitable. 

No. I was a strong woman. I knew where my head was at. I was focused. We said just friends. There were to be no feelings or any sort of connection. That is what we agreed on didn’t we? Then how did I let this happen? I gave in, I gave in, I gave, I have feelings for you. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You know too much about me, I know so much about you. I can’t like you. I choose not to like you. It’s so hard when you smile at me the way you do. I told you it was distraction and now I feel like a smile never leaves your face. These little distractions. All sweet and innocent.

Where is that silly notebook. I need to get all this out of my head. It is all trapped in here. It is making me go mad! I need it out. A release of pen to paper is like a drug. A crazy, mad unspeakable drug. Where the, oh of course next to my bed. Why would I be rummaging through these draws to my desk that just end up with things thrown in them? I have no idea. I just think I just needed to slam things.

“Hey, umm is everything okay?”

“Whose that?”

“Well Rach is you turn around or would recognize your roommate of the last twenty years you’d know it’s your sister. What’s wrong.”

“Sorry Gen. I just have had a horrible day and need to write it out. So unless you want me to project it on you let me get it out on paper, burn it and be done with it then we can talk.”

“I think before talking we’ll need some wine.”

“That too. And chocolate.”

“Yes.”

“No screw that this silly thing is not getting me down. I am going for a freaking long ass run. A run to trump all runs. I am not going to do the stereotypical girl thing of curling up in a depressed ball and giving into my feelings. Screw that!”

“Okay.”

“Now get out let me right and then run.”

“Good luck with that.”

Gen slowly closes the door behind her leaving me to my thoughts. Thank God! I love my sister but she will simply complain if I at all complain to her because she has told me from the beginning I am being stupid with this guy and she just doesn’t like him. Maybe she’s right. No, she was right. I don’t know why I’ve been waiting around and for him this long. What’s so great about him anyway? Umm, yeah I’m going to need time to answer that one.

Where was I? Oh right DOUCHE! DOUCHE! DOUCHE! Ehh where to even freaking begin? Umm yeah it’s great you made your big move, congrat - u -freaking - lations! You can make out with a girl but you can’t do the follow through. Honestly guys think they can do anything they so please with anyone and that in the end it was the girl thinking to much about it all. But come freaking on! If there was never a conversation about dating, something happens, and then you talk okay yeah understandable. There was conversations. Yes, plural. Many. More than one. So seriously what were you thinking?!

Obviously there is a back story to all of this. I will not go back to the very beginning, that is simply too much of a backstory to this whole melodrama stupidity. Let’s set a scene for the beginning of the summer. Everyone like the summer, it’s fun easy and relaxed right? Well, this summer seemed to start off at just a little preview for how this relationship was going to play out and just grow into greater confusion.

That was not a good idea! running. Why on earth did I think I could possibly a runner. I must has made it about five minutes if that before question what I was doing. Run? Okay playing a sport yes I will but to just go for a run. I walked. But walking is so slow and people feel as though they can stop you. And of course the moment I need to clear my head I would run into the person I need to figure out.

Not the new guy. If it was the new guy then that wouldn’t be so bad. However it just had to be Kyle. Him of all people. I think maybe running into, I don’t know, no solid comparison on who would have been better to see. Right now nothing is clicking in my mind.

Who do I have a roommate? I know that she believes that she is helping but really? Ahh and talking to him! It was like pulling teeth because I knew he totally knew about my roommates grand idea of us being set up. But he probably thinks it me who wants to go out on a date with him. Being so coy, oh I heard your roommate ran into Andrew earlier. Really?! I should not be this upset about it all. Right? My reaction is not justified. Or is it? Why am I getting this upset over everything? She said that we were all going to grab food or something. Or something. He knows the or something.

Maybe it was the way he said it or just me not wanting anything and knowing, or at least being told many times how he wants something. People playing with my head never ends for a good time. I am being such a women. I just need a friend to talk to. Wait where am I? I just kept walking after seeing Kyle in a storm and now it looks like I went to a foreign country. Okay turn around that seems like a good plan. Yes just turn around. I turn to actually do a little running so where I am can pass by quickly and hopefully I am not in a dangerous area.

“What can’t get enough of me?”

“Clearly not!” New guy what are you doing here?

“Well actually I can’t say that because I saw you a while back but you were walking so fast making it hard to catch up to you.”

“Oh sorry, lot of the mind so just kept going and now I need to question where I am and how I got here. Thankfully I don’t think I made any turns so that’s good.”

“Oh well that helps.”

“Yeah.”

This is totally an awkward silence moment. Was he just stalking me?

“Well my building is actually about two doors down, if that gives you any reference for where you are.”

“Honestly not at all.”

“Figured.”

“Yeah but I believe if I keep walking but up that way I shall eventually come to a reference point. Or at least that is my plan of the moment, but who knows.”

“Sounds like a reasonable one.”

“Yeah.” So is this another awkward moment of me putting in head phones and walking away? “Oh funny thing is I have talked to you about three times and I have never asked your name.”

“Oh I don’t believe I have offered it up, so that is rude on my behalf.”

“Yeah but, no will agree to that simply people curtsy.” Oh God please laugh.”

“This is true.” Okay I got a smirk that’s something. “Well I am Nathan it is lovely to have meet you, and again.”

“Well Nathan it is my pleasure.”

“What brings you down here? I am assuming you don’t live around here.”

“Well that is up for debate seeing how I am somewhat from around here however I do not know where exactly here is so, yeah.”

“Well here is about three blocks from the metro where I saw you the other day.”

“Oh okay awesome, so I am not as far as I thought. Sorry caught up in these thoughts in my head so I could have been dropped in some foreign country probably without realizing.”

“This could be a foreign country and I am simply tricking you.”

“Now Nathan why would you do such a thing?”

“I have no purpose. No clue what I was thinking.”

“Heaven only knows.”

“Fact. I am sorry though I must run. You know those Tuesday ragers won’t happen without me.”

“Oh yes clearly they only happen due to you.”

“I am glad someone understands.”

“Yes.” We do smiles and I walk past him putting in my head phones. I guess random banter is where this relation shall stay.

“Olivia?”

“Yeah?”

“Your going the wrong way.”

“Oh, ha. Thanks!” And embarrassment. Grand! 

After about two bottle of win roommate finally calmed down. Thankfully she didn’t go out. I hope she stays in for the day. Maybe it is an upside to not being employed. Where is this train? The platform to this place seems to get grosser everyday but there is just something about the metro that makes me appreciate it. Normally I am not as antisocial as I am now, not like I go up and talk to strangers but I don’t wear head phones and sunglasses while going place to place. But after barely sleeping and waking up it was needed, plus Adele just seemed to be speaking my language today.

Now don’t instantly think girl problems and need to hear broken women songs. That is not the case. Just a soulful voice with a message and good beat. I just-whose touching me? 

“Olivia?” I pull out my head phones, take off the glasses and see the new guy.

“Hey, how are you?” He goes in for a hug and without realize I hold me breathe. My heart begins to race and head slightly spin.

“Been good, started packing but then something told me to not go, so I called off leaving and been here.”

“Oh wow! That’s crazy.”

“Yeah, bosses weren’t really happy, or the buddy I was suppose to be living with, but then it just pushed him to take this girl he’s been seen for years with him. So guys everyones made happy.”

“Seems to be that way.”

“Yeah, what about you?”

“Been the usual work grind, figuring out life, you know the works of being twenty four.”

“Ahh yes what it is to be young!”

“Ha, yes young. If only my mind was not that of a fifty year old person. I go to bed at eleven the latest and my roommate thinks I’m insane.”

“Wow eleven, what a crazy thought!”

“I know, getting a little crazy.”

“My roommates are the same. Well he was, keep forgetting he’s now in Canada. But I would want to stay in if I’ve had a long day and just relax with a book or do some drawing and he would think I was the strangest person.”

“Reading?! Who does that anymore?”

“Weird people I guess.”

“Funny story with that. Roommate comes out of her room all ready for this new trendy club while I’m sitting drinking tea and reading. Should could not hide no matter how hard she tried to hold back her judge face.”

“Well then the life of the educated instead of the young.”

“I guess.” Now the train comes. “This you?”

“No I’m the next one.”

“Alright well it was good to run into you again.”

“Yeah same.” Now I go to put my head phones back in and make my way to the train. “Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t forget your shades.”

“Oh thanks.” How did he get my shades? Guess I’ll awkwardly smile and continue on my way.

When I finally get to my seat I look out and he looks so confused. “What just happened?”

Gut always wins! When Kyle and I were pulling out of the parking lot a ranger had just passed us and was making his way into the parking lot. But that was earlier now I sit hear waiting for my room mate to come out of her room to show me if I approve of her outfit for the night. Granted I almost never approve cause generally shows to much of something but it is more of color and look on her she cares. Honestly that is why I say no somethings.

“So what about this? Cheetah lingerie too much?”

“For what exactly? Sleeping or walking down a street?”

“Oh funny little pun in there. I am picking up better on you calling me a prostitute. And neither, trying out this new club and suppose to be trendy and the newest it thing. So cheetah a win?”

“Well cheetah is always in but we are no longer in college so seems slightly desperate-”

“That is something I’m so not-”

“Possibly put on the new dress-”

“I want to be scene for my brains-”

“Or try on that top with those leggings-”

“I have a lot to offer-”

“So maybe cheetah wedges?”

“Yes! I will wear the lacy top, with black tight skirt and heels! They will believ I am trendy, young, innovative, and will talk and I will fill them with my knowledge.”

Before I could even answer she’s hugging me and running and swilling back into her room. Dear Lord what did I just give her and idea for. I put my book down and grab my mug to pour some more tea.

“So how did things go?”

“Go?”

“Umm hello I totally know you were with Kyle earlier!”

“Oh, umm they went.”

“Come on, I need some details. I live for this. Sweet innocent roommate who stays in on her Thursday nigh reading a book and drinking tea, like such a clique of good girl. With the crazy roommate who gets ready and takes shots. Now come on! I will end up meeting a random dude who will be no good for me in about two hours, but I will know you spent time with a good guy today. So when I come home crying later about my mistakes I will remember your story in the taxi at least.”

“Your so twisted.”

“I don’t like to think twisted. More knowing I’m young, I have a right to be stupid so I might as well take advantage. I am turning twenty-six in two weeks so I only have two more weeks of this excuse. After that I am just a reckless person.”

“Oh so twenty-six is time to grow up?”

“Well yes, I would like to be married someday do you find that shocking?”

“Slightly yes. But your reasoning I will just skip over that whole deal.”

“Olivia come on!”

“What?”

“Kyle, story now! It will totally not be as good when I have to go up to Andrew later and ask him what Kyle said. Kyle gives like no detail so it’s a bunch of he said they did this. It was good. Blah, blah, blah! I need to hear about the romance and spark of it all!”

“Haha well cannot see Kyle being the romancer.”

“Don’t laugh! He’s quit the catch-”

“More talker and hoping I hear him while staying silent-”

“You could end up falling for him-”

“Well maybe not silent but more mysterious-”

“He’s a really great guy-”

“No not mysterious, just what is the word-”

“Andrews a great guy too-”

“I can’t put my finger on it-”

“Olivia are you listening?”

“Yes.”

“So you think a double could work?”

“Work for what?”

“You, Kyle, Andrew and I?”

“Do you know what Andrew’s job is?”

“Yeah he works with kids.”

“What kind of kids?”

“I think middle school.”

“Yes and what does he do with these kids?”

“Umm teaches them obviously! Goodness Olivia I’m not an idiot!”

“But what does he teach them.”

“Whatever you learn in middle school.”

“Right, he’s a youth pastor.”

“Okay so he’s-”

“Yep!”

“Whatttt!” And now the freak out begins. “He, he, God, works for, what?! But he goes to the bar. He sees me dressed, God, works for, what?!” Oh maybe shouldn’t have had the big lead in. “He must think I’m satan.” Yep bad idea, no lead in. “I dress, boobs, he has probably, oh man! Oh man!” Looks like my tea shall wait. “I need a drink.” Oy.

The officer has been sitting across from me just starring at me in shock of my mother not caring I was pronounced dead. Is this real life? I am either in some weird scenario life where it is normal for cars to just come a long and take you. What is this? This morning my biggest thought was dealing with the type A people who are happy with life and car pool together. Now I have to figure out how I am not dead. Why would someone want me dead? Who is this wife they say I have? Where the eff am I? What is with me being the only one taken?

“Okay Brooks, so why are you not dead?” The lieutenant is walking through the door with a folder and a lot more paper in it than something from just the events of the day. I guess the government if always watching. “You seem like a normal enough guy. From Jersey getting a big job in the city. Smooth sailing. Why would someone want you dead? Since they wanted you dead and you seem like live life on this same schedule how could they mess up killing the wrong dude?”

“Yeah see I could totally be the dead guy. But I go to church. Nothing too out there. Not like joining Islam or Communist party.”

“Are you saying this is a terrorist attack?”

“No. What! Are you guys insane?”

“Calm down Brooks. Tell us why are you here?”

Why am I here? That is the big questions? Why am I here? Well lets see some dudes in a suit toke me away from where I was. Does that sound about right? “Lets see. I got to work. Went up to my office. Oh and right there was a dead guy!”

“I am compelled to treat you like a hostile witness.”

“Whatever. And I wasn’t even a witness I came in after you.” This is who is protecting our government. No wonder why firewalls are so easy to crack and we get bombed. These guys probably thought it would be an easy lay for them to wear the suit and a badge. I think they were twenty years off. Generation of technology buddies. “Can I pee?”

“Officer take him to the bathroom.”