Tossing and turning is a sure sign of this life being unreal. However instead of waking up and acknowledging it is a new day, I wake up wondering what on earth is happening. I yearn to hear from him and await the moment of his return. But why? Why is this one so special? A hug can cause all this confusion. Well forget that, I need to brush my teeth. But seriously. Why him?

Truly nothing that sticks out about him, he’s quirky, sarcastic and not direct. SO fickle and not direct. Clearly none of those are winners right? Am I just bored of being single? I have been doing fine as being a single person but is that the problem? I have become too good at becoming single?

Wow listen to me I’m sounding like such a women! I should just get dressed this is ridiculous. Thank God it’s sunny out! Sun dress it is. At least that is something easy and simple I can handle. No second guess. Just walk in grab a bright dress fitting my mood. It’s a good thing I don’t have to shave and can do a strapless bra. I should probably bring a change of clothes because God only knows what I will end up doing later, hike, swimming, or just anything. Summer is amazing for this.

“Olivia what are you doing?” I turn and see my roommate coming into my room looking like she’s still recovering from the night before.

“Getting dressed.”

“You have been talking out loud to yourself for the last hour about some guy, who is he?”

“I haven’t!”

“You have. It was entertaining me until you were talking about that other guy you’ve liked but he’s way to shy for anything to happen, but now you totally have a chance for him. Just sayin’ play the field and not just one.”

“Ha! Funny I’m just making friends not playing anything. Playing the field involves games and not being myself. No thank you. Plus I will only play one. Well not play, but just think of one guy. God didn’t put me here for many but one. Well hopefully-”

“Oh shut up. I get it God has a plan for you blah blah blah! But come one, God never said to not have fun! I’m going to have a shot then grab coffee you want to come?”

“I’m good, meeting up  with some people in a few.”

“Okay. see ya. Oh and say hello to the new boy.” Oh room mate how special is thee. I daily question my choice but then she always makes me lean on God more and not be so caught up in my world and reminds me there are people out there needing saving. Such a double edge sword.

Did she really hear me talking? I thought it was all in my head! Guess not, fail! Welp can’t say hi to the new guy because no way to communicate, and he never bothered to get my number. But the old guy she wasn’t wrong about, but I feel like now it wouldn’t be hard to date him, but is he really someone I want to be with?

Reality

  Has my head back handed you enough? Yes these are different days. The one with Josh and I was before the date I had with the nice guy. I know my brain jambles around and maybe you realized what was going on but who freakin’ knows. But this is my story. The Kelly story. This is my life. And now here I am, it is the end of the week. I have not seen either one of them and I am about to see both of them. Together. No friend to take with me. Going solo to a party with no clue what to expect. I could go and talk to the nice guy, but who wants to lead anyone on. Or I could talk to Josh and see what happens.

I could take longer to get ready. That would really delay things. That wouldn’t be right. But before telling you about life now, we should get back to how I got here.

Ride Home

“Again sorry about the movies being sold out.”

“Oh no it’s fine. I am just exhausted.” I truly am. I barely sleep anymore and I was at work all day.

“I understand. I’m tired too.” Yeah if only I was not only physically tired. Tired of this conversation and just want to run home. It is not too far of a run. Wait that’s too obvious. “Thank you again for going out with me.”

“Oh no problem.” No problem? Did I seriously just say that? At least he knows the way back to my house so I am not that strained for making a conversation. I guess this shouldn’t really go anywhere. Just get me home. It is only a quick drive. Oh there is my street. You have not looked this good in a long time. So close. I can’t just run out of the car that is simply awkward. “Okay well thank you again for getting me.”

“It’s no problem. And for the final thing in this evening which I have never done before.” Oh God please don’t be a kiss, please don’t be a kiss.

“Umm, what?”

“Walking you to your door.”

“Ohh. Well front door is always locked and we don’t have a key for it.”

“That’s fine.” I will not kiss you! This could seriously be awkward!

“Kelly?” Okay why did I just hear Josh. “Kelly!” I turn and see him pulling into my drive way.

“Who’s that?” Nice guy, so sweet. Now worlds are colliding.

“Friend from school. Thank you again for tonight sorry I have to deal with this.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay.”

“It would probably better if you leave.”

“Okay give me a call later.”

“Will do.” I just stand there as he makes his way back to his car and Josh gets out of his and starts walking towards me. This cannot be good.

Flashback

“Oh crap it’s sold out. Welp I thought this might happen.”

“It’s okay, we can still go grab coffee. Dunkin’ Donuts or Starbucks?”

“I am for either but more of a Dunkin’ Donuts person.”

“I am the same, if I want actual coffee I will go to Dunkin’ but if I was something girly I will totally go to Starbucks.” I see the nice guy continuing to talk about something but my thoughts are so lost in myself. I am being completely rude but I cannot help it. How did I get on a second date, this quickly. We made plans before he even asked me out so I should not be that surprised, however I should not be here. Everything about this situation my mind is screaming NO! But for some reason I cannot shake it off. It runs through my head of questioning why did I like this guy?

“Oh sorry I have you going the wrong way. Well at least you get to see more of my side.”

“Yeah I get to see more of this side of the highway.”

“True. I wont have you turn around because honestly it will probably take the same amount of time.”

“That’s fine. So anyway the thing at work-” and tuning out. I am truly being this heartless. What is going on with me right now? Is it simply nerves why he is acting this way? No this seriously cannot be just nerves. No one can be this off from how they are normally. Could they?

“Your going to keep left and go down that side street then make a left after the train tracks at the light.”

“Okay. So when I was out Neil was pointing out to me things that I should be doing and things to like work on. I understand that I have things that I need to work on and that is why I haven’t really dated much or anything.”

“Oh no it’s fine.” Is he seriously telling me this now? Okay we are no on this level yet, this is after you’ve been dating for a while and happily together. Not a second date expose all your flaws. I am suppose to discover that on my own and work around it.

“No I know I have stuff to work on, like communication.” Oh man. What have I done. Too soon. Now I know this is basically going to kill any future of dating that I could have thought would have happened. Maybe it wont be that bad. I need to try and stay focus stop zoning out! Okay he was talking about communication. You talk a lot. Yes Kelly, you talk a lot. Your good at communication.

“Oh this is our towns bar, basically one big high school reunion.”

“Note to never go there. That is were you basically see naked girls, asses, and boobs. I’m good.” I couldn’t resist but to laugh.

“Well true, but is that not a lot of bars?”

“I guess there are some classy ones, or other where you just go to grab a drink with friends. That would not be one of them I’m guessing.”

“Depends on the breaks from college.”

“Ahhh. I see.”

“Yep.” Man we are just going to grab coffee, isn’t that backwards dating? I should have not reminded him about this Monday night. Why did I call?! I am the girl it is not my job to be the reminder and ask about plans. It is is. Goodness what if I set up this situation.