After about two bottle of win roommate finally calmed down. Thankfully she didn’t go out. I hope she stays in for the day. Maybe it is an upside to not being employed. Where is this train? The platform to this place seems to get grosser everyday but there is just something about the metro that makes me appreciate it. Normally I am not as antisocial as I am now, not like I go up and talk to strangers but I don’t wear head phones and sunglasses while going place to place. But after barely sleeping and waking up it was needed, plus Adele just seemed to be speaking my language today.

Now don’t instantly think girl problems and need to hear broken women songs. That is not the case. Just a soulful voice with a message and good beat. I just-whose touching me? 

“Olivia?” I pull out my head phones, take off the glasses and see the new guy.

“Hey, how are you?” He goes in for a hug and without realize I hold me breathe. My heart begins to race and head slightly spin.

“Been good, started packing but then something told me to not go, so I called off leaving and been here.”

“Oh wow! That’s crazy.”

“Yeah, bosses weren’t really happy, or the buddy I was suppose to be living with, but then it just pushed him to take this girl he’s been seen for years with him. So guys everyones made happy.”

“Seems to be that way.”

“Yeah, what about you?”

“Been the usual work grind, figuring out life, you know the works of being twenty four.”

“Ahh yes what it is to be young!”

“Ha, yes young. If only my mind was not that of a fifty year old person. I go to bed at eleven the latest and my roommate thinks I’m insane.”

“Wow eleven, what a crazy thought!”

“I know, getting a little crazy.”

“My roommates are the same. Well he was, keep forgetting he’s now in Canada. But I would want to stay in if I’ve had a long day and just relax with a book or do some drawing and he would think I was the strangest person.”

“Reading?! Who does that anymore?”

“Weird people I guess.”

“Funny story with that. Roommate comes out of her room all ready for this new trendy club while I’m sitting drinking tea and reading. Should could not hide no matter how hard she tried to hold back her judge face.”

“Well then the life of the educated instead of the young.”

“I guess.” Now the train comes. “This you?”

“No I’m the next one.”

“Alright well it was good to run into you again.”

“Yeah same.” Now I go to put my head phones back in and make my way to the train. “Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t forget your shades.”

“Oh thanks.” How did he get my shades? Guess I’ll awkwardly smile and continue on my way.

When I finally get to my seat I look out and he looks so confused. “What just happened?”

Gut always wins! When Kyle and I were pulling out of the parking lot a ranger had just passed us and was making his way into the parking lot. But that was earlier now I sit hear waiting for my room mate to come out of her room to show me if I approve of her outfit for the night. Granted I almost never approve cause generally shows to much of something but it is more of color and look on her she cares. Honestly that is why I say no somethings.

“So what about this? Cheetah lingerie too much?”

“For what exactly? Sleeping or walking down a street?”

“Oh funny little pun in there. I am picking up better on you calling me a prostitute. And neither, trying out this new club and suppose to be trendy and the newest it thing. So cheetah a win?”

“Well cheetah is always in but we are no longer in college so seems slightly desperate-”

“That is something I’m so not-”

“Possibly put on the new dress-”

“I want to be scene for my brains-”

“Or try on that top with those leggings-”

“I have a lot to offer-”

“So maybe cheetah wedges?”

“Yes! I will wear the lacy top, with black tight skirt and heels! They will believ I am trendy, young, innovative, and will talk and I will fill them with my knowledge.”

Before I could even answer she’s hugging me and running and swilling back into her room. Dear Lord what did I just give her and idea for. I put my book down and grab my mug to pour some more tea.

“So how did things go?”

“Go?”

“Umm hello I totally know you were with Kyle earlier!”

“Oh, umm they went.”

“Come on, I need some details. I live for this. Sweet innocent roommate who stays in on her Thursday nigh reading a book and drinking tea, like such a clique of good girl. With the crazy roommate who gets ready and takes shots. Now come on! I will end up meeting a random dude who will be no good for me in about two hours, but I will know you spent time with a good guy today. So when I come home crying later about my mistakes I will remember your story in the taxi at least.”

“Your so twisted.”

“I don’t like to think twisted. More knowing I’m young, I have a right to be stupid so I might as well take advantage. I am turning twenty-six in two weeks so I only have two more weeks of this excuse. After that I am just a reckless person.”

“Oh so twenty-six is time to grow up?”

“Well yes, I would like to be married someday do you find that shocking?”

“Slightly yes. But your reasoning I will just skip over that whole deal.”

“Olivia come on!”

“What?”

“Kyle, story now! It will totally not be as good when I have to go up to Andrew later and ask him what Kyle said. Kyle gives like no detail so it’s a bunch of he said they did this. It was good. Blah, blah, blah! I need to hear about the romance and spark of it all!”

“Haha well cannot see Kyle being the romancer.”

“Don’t laugh! He’s quit the catch-”

“More talker and hoping I hear him while staying silent-”

“You could end up falling for him-”

“Well maybe not silent but more mysterious-”

“He’s a really great guy-”

“No not mysterious, just what is the word-”

“Andrews a great guy too-”

“I can’t put my finger on it-”

“Olivia are you listening?”

“Yes.”

“So you think a double could work?”

“Work for what?”

“You, Kyle, Andrew and I?”

“Do you know what Andrew’s job is?”

“Yeah he works with kids.”

“What kind of kids?”

“I think middle school.”

“Yes and what does he do with these kids?”

“Umm teaches them obviously! Goodness Olivia I’m not an idiot!”

“But what does he teach them.”

“Whatever you learn in middle school.”

“Right, he’s a youth pastor.”

“Okay so he’s-”

“Yep!”

“Whatttt!” And now the freak out begins. “He, he, God, works for, what?! But he goes to the bar. He sees me dressed, God, works for, what?!” Oh maybe shouldn’t have had the big lead in. “He must think I’m satan.” Yep bad idea, no lead in. “I dress, boobs, he has probably, oh man! Oh man!” Looks like my tea shall wait. “I need a drink.” Oy.

“Just jump!”

“Oh funny Kyle, why don’t go go first.” Standing at the edge of this cliff I have been countless times before doesn’t make this any easier. So dark with an almost endless bottom, however there lay rocks below the surface, but safe enough for us to jump. Welp, God is this is how we should meet at least make it epic. All that’s left is to push off this rock. I make the jump and there is the second of fear, joy, bliss, and then you hit the water.

“That was unreal!” I look up and see this huge smile on Kyle’s face.

“I knew you’d love this.” Kyle the pushes off the rocks jumping just to the left of me. I was still afraid he’d land on me but there was a solid distance. His head pops up covered with water running off of it, his hair all flat and all disheveled. He laughs at me and then shakes his hair. Making me turn away from him. I begin to swim to the shore. Not sure of where to go exactly, but I know I want to avoid us being in the water together. Being on land is easier being one on one rather than in the water. I don’t know what could come of this. Did I want anything to happen?

“So you love it?”

“Yeah thank you so much for bringing me here. The beauty here is incomparable.”

“Yeah its not bad.”

“Not bad? Oh man the trees with the view from the rocks. It’s so peaceful. There are very few places in where you could look at and just be in awe of the beauty that surrounds you and just the magic of it all. Only the creator could make this magic. No artist could replicate this nor photograph capture the essence of this.”

“Wow someone’s turning deep on me.”

“Sorry, just don’t understand when things go unappreciated. For example as you the simplicity of this view. You think it’s nice yes?”

“Yeah, so.”

“That’s it. It’s not a negative thing. I’m sure you would see something that I see as nice as something with so much detail that words are solely not enough for.”

“Right. I can see where your coming from.” Sadly I don’t believe him. Maybe he does know what I mean. I shouldn’t be thinking so much about comparing the guys. But it’s so easy. Fantasy verses what’s right in front of you the fantasy tends to win. Kyle is starring of into the distance and something about his face look out into the distance shows me he understands. He does not voice his thoughts and it’s easy to see him doing this is a lot for him. Should it be this much work for him to show who he is?

“Let’s jump again!” We have been sitting at the bottom where you need to climb up.

“Oh now you want to jump again? I jumped like six times before you even went once.”

“So? First you just wanted to jump to show me, then I could tell you couldn’t keep standing still so needed to jump. I like taking my time with things.”

“Right, come on just keep going.” When I get to the top I see across people have started coming but something tells me that we should start making our way down.

“Kyle would you be good if this is our last jump?”

“Sure, thought you’d want to be here for a longer but we could head back.”

“No I want to, just getting a guy feeling we should start heading back.”

“Alright sure.”

Tossing and turning is a sure sign of this life being unreal. However instead of waking up and acknowledging it is a new day, I wake up wondering what on earth is happening. I yearn to hear from him and await the moment of his return. But why? Why is this one so special? A hug can cause all this confusion. Well forget that, I need to brush my teeth. But seriously. Why him?

Truly nothing that sticks out about him, he’s quirky, sarcastic and not direct. SO fickle and not direct. Clearly none of those are winners right? Am I just bored of being single? I have been doing fine as being a single person but is that the problem? I have become too good at becoming single?

Wow listen to me I’m sounding like such a women! I should just get dressed this is ridiculous. Thank God it’s sunny out! Sun dress it is. At least that is something easy and simple I can handle. No second guess. Just walk in grab a bright dress fitting my mood. It’s a good thing I don’t have to shave and can do a strapless bra. I should probably bring a change of clothes because God only knows what I will end up doing later, hike, swimming, or just anything. Summer is amazing for this.

“Olivia what are you doing?” I turn and see my roommate coming into my room looking like she’s still recovering from the night before.

“Getting dressed.”

“You have been talking out loud to yourself for the last hour about some guy, who is he?”

“I haven’t!”

“You have. It was entertaining me until you were talking about that other guy you’ve liked but he’s way to shy for anything to happen, but now you totally have a chance for him. Just sayin’ play the field and not just one.”

“Ha! Funny I’m just making friends not playing anything. Playing the field involves games and not being myself. No thank you. Plus I will only play one. Well not play, but just think of one guy. God didn’t put me here for many but one. Well hopefully-”

“Oh shut up. I get it God has a plan for you blah blah blah! But come one, God never said to not have fun! I’m going to have a shot then grab coffee you want to come?”

“I’m good, meeting up  with some people in a few.”

“Okay. see ya. Oh and say hello to the new boy.” Oh room mate how special is thee. I daily question my choice but then she always makes me lean on God more and not be so caught up in my world and reminds me there are people out there needing saving. Such a double edge sword.

Did she really hear me talking? I thought it was all in my head! Guess not, fail! Welp can’t say hi to the new guy because no way to communicate, and he never bothered to get my number. But the old guy she wasn’t wrong about, but I feel like now it wouldn’t be hard to date him, but is he really someone I want to be with?

Heart feels as though it is truly going to explode. Why is this happening? What is going on? It was such a simple good bye. Nothing different, maybe his arms were tighter around me, maybe the hug simply felt so right. But this feeling in my heart cannot explain this. I’m walking the path to my car seeing each foot go in front of the other, with chills running through me. My mind if going mad with questions of what could this mean. But my heart is yearning to go back.

There is nothing left for me to do. He’s leaving me here to the world full of unknown of the future. But my life has a way of working out in time. Time. Yes time should go by quickly. Time goes on like life. You can’t live in these moments of questioning what that could have been or where it could be. Could is the worst word in the english language. Could of, should of, all leaving girls to this insanity of questions going on in their mind of what they see. Rather then going through the facts of what is. I could have said how I felt and maybe this would have changed the out come. But he said nothing.

None of this explains this feeling in my heart. I stare at my steering wheel longing for an answer, not knowing how long I have sat here but I am still in front of his place so this is so not right. I put my car to look out on this road chosen to go. There is no questioning with this path. The path has been laid out for me. I take the first left to then make the second right and wrap around till main road and go home. That is know of how I should go. However I look in my review mirror of a blurring path that I want to go back to.

My heart is racing for an answer to these questions. All from a hug?